Thoughts while Traveling
3.22.2004
Good morning world. Is it really? I haven't really grasped the morning yet, although my ars has been physically out of my bed for abouuuuuut 2 hours and 10 minutes. Maybe Mondays mornings are simply out of my grasp. That's ok. I don't mind being half-concious for now.
God does come through. He really does. Even when my faith in Him seems non-existent and non-refreshable. My blog from Friday is a perfect description to where I was emotionally, Spiritually, and physically. Desolation. A far cry from the usual state of the other "D" word, delusion, which is a favorite adjective I choose frequently to decribe my state of mind. I think I prefer delusion. "The grass is always greener..." so they say. I better rephrase that. I prefer delusion RIGHT NOW. Desolation is a black place. Dusty in places so it makes you sneeze uncotrollably, and yet so damp and cold in other places that you can't find warmth in spite of your deperate search of it.
Anyways, enough with the pictures. On to reality again, Anna. Although we had made tentative plans for the weekend in several different directions...and we had a choice of exciting things to do and lovely people to see, I drove home from work and decided on my journey that I would do nothing more than get in my bed and hide under my duvet for the next 48 hours. Maybe get up to eat and pee, and quickly return to my hibernation. And then I walked through the door of the place we call home to be faced with a humbling reality. I am married. I have vowed to submit to and partner with another human being. That means we decide together. So... came quickly to find out that he had packed and was ready to travel. It took a little kicking and screaming, but at that point I needed to just be commanded what to do if my little selfish sleeping plan was out the window. So, we drove to Virginia. To see our kindred -Spirit friends. The ones you know God sent you to at that specific time and for a specific purpose. And I am so blessed and thankful that Justin followed his heart and dragged me along, because it was a breath of fresh air. Thanks, Lord, for helping out your disobedient and rebellious spirited child. I am driven back into your presence and challenged by your almighty-ness. (honey, i know that's not a word, but God knows)
I learned something this weekend. That all is not lost due to an unwise decision. It can be redeemed just like He's promised. So many times in my life I have thought that I MUST make this or that important life decision the RIGHT way, because if I don't...I will be out of God's will and I will have to pay for it. That may be true on some accounts, however, I am learning more and more that life is a journey and what my Saviour is more concerned with is the state of my heart, not the state of America in which I reside.
So, my dear husband, we stand once again at a crossroad. Where will we end up? Who knows, only God. The important thing is that we search His heart and love His people. Lord, as we approach another big decision, grant us peace beyond anything. Take my little mustard seed of faith and help it to grow. Although we have just been through a season of doors shutting in our face, let us move through this (false and evil) sense of defeat with grace. Right through the eye of the storm and into your presence. The bright white light of possibilty is cracking through an unexpected door. If this is the right one for us to follow through on our journey, Lord, keep opening it. We trust you and love you...and will follow where you lead.
Time for coffee...my eyes are beginning to open and see the sunshine this morning.
God does come through. He really does. Even when my faith in Him seems non-existent and non-refreshable. My blog from Friday is a perfect description to where I was emotionally, Spiritually, and physically. Desolation. A far cry from the usual state of the other "D" word, delusion, which is a favorite adjective I choose frequently to decribe my state of mind. I think I prefer delusion. "The grass is always greener..." so they say. I better rephrase that. I prefer delusion RIGHT NOW. Desolation is a black place. Dusty in places so it makes you sneeze uncotrollably, and yet so damp and cold in other places that you can't find warmth in spite of your deperate search of it.
Anyways, enough with the pictures. On to reality again, Anna. Although we had made tentative plans for the weekend in several different directions...and we had a choice of exciting things to do and lovely people to see, I drove home from work and decided on my journey that I would do nothing more than get in my bed and hide under my duvet for the next 48 hours. Maybe get up to eat and pee, and quickly return to my hibernation. And then I walked through the door of the place we call home to be faced with a humbling reality. I am married. I have vowed to submit to and partner with another human being. That means we decide together. So... came quickly to find out that he had packed and was ready to travel. It took a little kicking and screaming, but at that point I needed to just be commanded what to do if my little selfish sleeping plan was out the window. So, we drove to Virginia. To see our kindred -Spirit friends. The ones you know God sent you to at that specific time and for a specific purpose. And I am so blessed and thankful that Justin followed his heart and dragged me along, because it was a breath of fresh air. Thanks, Lord, for helping out your disobedient and rebellious spirited child. I am driven back into your presence and challenged by your almighty-ness. (honey, i know that's not a word, but God knows)
I learned something this weekend. That all is not lost due to an unwise decision. It can be redeemed just like He's promised. So many times in my life I have thought that I MUST make this or that important life decision the RIGHT way, because if I don't...I will be out of God's will and I will have to pay for it. That may be true on some accounts, however, I am learning more and more that life is a journey and what my Saviour is more concerned with is the state of my heart, not the state of America in which I reside.
So, my dear husband, we stand once again at a crossroad. Where will we end up? Who knows, only God. The important thing is that we search His heart and love His people. Lord, as we approach another big decision, grant us peace beyond anything. Take my little mustard seed of faith and help it to grow. Although we have just been through a season of doors shutting in our face, let us move through this (false and evil) sense of defeat with grace. Right through the eye of the storm and into your presence. The bright white light of possibilty is cracking through an unexpected door. If this is the right one for us to follow through on our journey, Lord, keep opening it. We trust you and love you...and will follow where you lead.
Time for coffee...my eyes are beginning to open and see the sunshine this morning.
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