Thoughts while Traveling
11.09.2006
I remember
So here I am, going through the whole application and audition process again for graduate school.A different school, different degree, different place. I have tried other things, other careers, and now I am back to my original plan I arranged for myself 10 years ago. Am I crazy? I think I may possibly be crazy. I am 27 years old, and I am just now going to try and revive what my heart has told me to pursue since I was 14? Why all the detours? Why now? Why put myself out there? Why do I have a chronic problem asking "why"? What I have lost what I once had? What if I have sabotaged myself? What if I fail? I know I could never live with myself if I don't at least go down fighting-
Perhaps I won't go down at all? I have to at least try.
I feel like I am 7 years old again, waiting to go on stage for the "Little Miss Keystone" pageant at Sunbeam camp. I was scared out of my mind as I walked out on stage ready to sing. The words of the song were:
I am a promise, I am a possibility
I am a promise, with a capital "P"
I am a great big bundle of potentiality
And I am learning to hear God's voice
And I am trying to make the right choices
I am a promise to be,
Anything God wants me to be.
This time I am sure won't end in my tears dropping all over the stage and running off due to overwhelming stage fright. I seem to have gotten over that through the years of forcing myself through it, or perhaps just learned to handle it better.
Nontheless, I feel like that terrified brown eyed girl with the perm and shaky knees again.
Perhaps because I am still that kid, just a lot bigger with a whole lot more baggage, a lot more life experience under my belt, wisdom, regrets, and thankfully a few mustard seeds left in my stash.
I hear a soft whisper.
"My Grace is Sufficient."
Could it be? I am still a promise?
And through it all, I am still yours, God.
Do with me what YOU will.
Perhaps I won't go down at all? I have to at least try.
I feel like I am 7 years old again, waiting to go on stage for the "Little Miss Keystone" pageant at Sunbeam camp. I was scared out of my mind as I walked out on stage ready to sing. The words of the song were:
I am a promise, I am a possibility
I am a promise, with a capital "P"
I am a great big bundle of potentiality
And I am learning to hear God's voice
And I am trying to make the right choices
I am a promise to be,
Anything God wants me to be.
This time I am sure won't end in my tears dropping all over the stage and running off due to overwhelming stage fright. I seem to have gotten over that through the years of forcing myself through it, or perhaps just learned to handle it better.
Nontheless, I feel like that terrified brown eyed girl with the perm and shaky knees again.
Perhaps because I am still that kid, just a lot bigger with a whole lot more baggage, a lot more life experience under my belt, wisdom, regrets, and thankfully a few mustard seeds left in my stash.
I hear a soft whisper.
"My Grace is Sufficient."
Could it be? I am still a promise?
And through it all, I am still yours, God.
Do with me what YOU will.
5 Comments:
I'm reminded of a conversation you and I had regarding our talent. There's a reason why you keep coming back here - to this dream. It's because it's God-given and God-breathed. So what if you fail once, He'll give you the courage to get back up and try again. You are a promise AND God has a promise for you - which is success and fulfillment and joy. Go Anna Go!
I was telling the kids tonight at the corps about something I learned years ago.
Breathe in through your nose as much air as you can. Then, breathe out through your nose all the air you just took in until you can't breathe out any more. Then, open your lips and blow you will have breath to blow out.
I'm not really sure how it happens, and I do that when I feel like I've done all I can and there's nothing left to give.
Even though you're maybe feeling you've exhausted your attempts and resources, there is still one more breath left.
Girl, you have such incredible talent...amazing....and I am blown away by your talent, and at times envious. I have missed watching you, hearing you....
I am really glad that for the moment we are in the same area. I had a great time a couple of weeks ago; lets get together again!!! You busy tomorrow night????
Yay for u anna!
I pray that God will continue to direct and make a way for you...
hmm... this reminds me of that Akeela quote.. you go Anna! :)
Anna, I am so glad that you have decided to go after your dream. There is a reason why this was placed on your heart so many years ago. Follow your heart! God will be with you through it all. Be assured of my prayers during your audition process.
In Faith,
Rebecca Pretty
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