Thoughts while Traveling
4.07.2004
So I don't have any overwhelming thoughts to record this morning. But I feel compelled to journal whatever comes to mind nevertheless. I wonder does this happen to others out there? In that I mean the river of thoughts and revelations that come through the simple act of disciplining one self to write...whatever comes ? I usually find there is a lot more going on inside than I even choose to explore. I miss that. I miss my journal being my one haven from the world. When, and more importantly, WHY did this ritual diminish to almost simply a pastime for me? A thing I used to do? I don't know. I want to try and revive it.
I miss college. I can't believe I feel that way seeing that it was a pretty trying time in my life and I worked my tail off the entire time I was there to get to the goal: the degree; the accomplishment of finishing. I wish I had tried a little less and absorbed the moments a little more. I speak to my sister and others in that arena life and KNOW where they are. I mourn the time that has passed. I feel old. Now I know deep down in my heart that my mere twenty-four years of life is not that long...and yet...it feels that way. And unfortunately (because it usually just ruins me slowly) I feel everything in life very deeply. So at this point I feel this very deeply and wish I didn't. I find myself crying out to God every day for VISION...I need your vision, Lord. I used to have at least a cloudy view of where you were taking me, maybe not in the physical sense, but the PURPOSE sense. Now here I am, a lost child again. Funny how life goes in circles.
We are taking a big step of faith in a month in a half, and I must admit, at times it seems to big for my little mustard seed...but I now recall a huge lesson I learned once upon a time. That "God is bigger than the air I breathe, this world we'll leave..." Praise God for that. Speaking of leaving the world, I am attending a funeral today for a man I have never met. His wife is a saint, however, and I must meet him today. A little late, but better late than never?
Man, are my thoughts schizo today, or what?
I miss college. I can't believe I feel that way seeing that it was a pretty trying time in my life and I worked my tail off the entire time I was there to get to the goal: the degree; the accomplishment of finishing. I wish I had tried a little less and absorbed the moments a little more. I speak to my sister and others in that arena life and KNOW where they are. I mourn the time that has passed. I feel old. Now I know deep down in my heart that my mere twenty-four years of life is not that long...and yet...it feels that way. And unfortunately (because it usually just ruins me slowly) I feel everything in life very deeply. So at this point I feel this very deeply and wish I didn't. I find myself crying out to God every day for VISION...I need your vision, Lord. I used to have at least a cloudy view of where you were taking me, maybe not in the physical sense, but the PURPOSE sense. Now here I am, a lost child again. Funny how life goes in circles.
We are taking a big step of faith in a month in a half, and I must admit, at times it seems to big for my little mustard seed...but I now recall a huge lesson I learned once upon a time. That "God is bigger than the air I breathe, this world we'll leave..." Praise God for that. Speaking of leaving the world, I am attending a funeral today for a man I have never met. His wife is a saint, however, and I must meet him today. A little late, but better late than never?
Man, are my thoughts schizo today, or what?
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