Thoughts while Traveling
12.26.2004
breathing shallow
I realize that I have made the choice to breathe shallow. As not to feel as alive as I really am. It's easier to take in short and quiet air in while sitting and waiting. Wondering if life is ending, or is it, in fact, just moving in waves like it always has? Out with the old, in with the new. And all the rest of us, in between, riding it out, back and forth, side to side, in rhythm with the tide. I would rather learn how to surf.
Family...it is what matters. And yet, family seems to be the one of the hardest challenges we face. Family seems to come together in crisis and really care, even for a brief moment..there is true concern and appreciation for one another. How often does that really stick? I have wondered this often.
I have a lot of questions and therefore I ask alot of questions. That's me. My dad always used to comment to everyone about my "need to know" personality. "She just needs to know what's happening every second, she has always been like that." What that means I do not know. Ironic. WHY is a word I will always want answered. Maybe that's why God has allowed to experience so many unanswered questions...to teach me that I cannot know everything. If I did I would ruin the painting. Smear it. Smudge it. Perhaps I am to learn much more about faith. There is no "perhaps" about it. This is true. I want to learn...and yet I realize the pruning process can be painful and rough. What it takes to become smooth is quite a storm overhead, blowing around and creating erosion, which evens out the jagged parts.
My prayers are not futile, although they seem it sometimes. Jesus...
Jack. Son. Brother. Father.Grandfather. Great-grandfather.
Nicole. Break. Soften. USE.
Grief. Sadness. Tears. Miles. Oceans. HAND. PLAN. REDEMPTION.SALVATION. COMFORT. PEACE. WHOLENESS. BUILD. JESUS...
Family...it is what matters. And yet, family seems to be the one of the hardest challenges we face. Family seems to come together in crisis and really care, even for a brief moment..there is true concern and appreciation for one another. How often does that really stick? I have wondered this often.
I have a lot of questions and therefore I ask alot of questions. That's me. My dad always used to comment to everyone about my "need to know" personality. "She just needs to know what's happening every second, she has always been like that." What that means I do not know. Ironic. WHY is a word I will always want answered. Maybe that's why God has allowed to experience so many unanswered questions...to teach me that I cannot know everything. If I did I would ruin the painting. Smear it. Smudge it. Perhaps I am to learn much more about faith. There is no "perhaps" about it. This is true. I want to learn...and yet I realize the pruning process can be painful and rough. What it takes to become smooth is quite a storm overhead, blowing around and creating erosion, which evens out the jagged parts.
My prayers are not futile, although they seem it sometimes. Jesus...
Jack. Son. Brother. Father.Grandfather. Great-grandfather.
Nicole. Break. Soften. USE.
Grief. Sadness. Tears. Miles. Oceans. HAND. PLAN. REDEMPTION.SALVATION. COMFORT. PEACE. WHOLENESS. BUILD. JESUS...
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