Thoughts while Traveling

I have read alot on the blogs of friend's & strangers alike as well as in publications expository opinions of the church as a whole, where it is going, and the hearts & minds of those in specific denominations. Dialogue always ensues. How do we reach people? How do we move out of tradition and legalism into becoming a living, breathing, walking, talking, and praying church? How do we move out if the political arena and into being salt & light? More and more I find that discussions among friends who are redeemed inevitably circle around to the subject sooner or later.

I don't relate anymore. I have a hard time responding. Not that I don't get it, it's just that there has become this language barrier. My heart is there, but the arena & lingo have changed.

My lack of a church membership in the past year (or so) in conjunction with a strong hesitation to acquiring one has stemmed from these deeply rooted facts: 1. I have no desire to spend my time in a place of worship that runs like a business- and that's that. 2. I have yet to go to a church in the past year ( and we have visited several) where my heart has been at peace on the way out the door, and I have been compelled to return. Simply put, not a one has been the right fit. Until last Sunday.

We have felt a recent pull toward one place, and if it aint the Holy Spirit doing this in both of our hearts, then I don't know which way is up or down. It's the people there that are beginning to capture our hearts. That has always been my prayer, that I will allow what capture's the heart of Jesus to capture my own. My flesh frequently refuses to comply, but thankfully GRACE covers that moment and I get up and try again. I want to walk in obedience, so if this is the right place and the right people, and the place where I am to use the gifts that my creator has given me- than so be it. Still anticipating a confirmation verbally and in my spirit for the answer.Ever since I read a certain post on my friend Desmond's blog a while back, my heart has been convicted and stirred to get up and use what I have been given. So, this is what I seek.

A song just came into my heart, written by one of my personal "heroes" in my life. The lyrics are , "Only this I ask, only this I seek, that I may dwell in His house all the days of my life....that I may see the beauty of the Lord.." perhaps this "detox" (as Justin puts it) we have been through has taught me most of all that HIS house is not a place we go on Sunday mornings, but it is a state of being. Some people don't need such a dramatic sabbatical from corporate worship to learn this fully, but I am afraid I did. If I had kept going in the direction I was, I fear I would have been lost indefinitely. And furthermore, this season has been one of the most spiritually free and liberating times of my entire life. I have learned to worship without song, and without being in front of a crowd. I have worshipped in silence by myself. I have worshipped in groups of laughing friends. I have worshipped reading His word, and driving my car. I have worshipped ...and I want to live my life worshipping in wonder. I needed this drastic lesson.

So that the next time I commit myself to a body of believer's, I will go worship and fellowship because I want to and LONG to with every fiber of being. That's why. No interest in faking it.

One day I woke up and found myself in a tightly wound caccoon , unable to escape and unable to decipher what was real and what was not. Now I know. There is no better place to be.

Petitioning prayer for direction & discernment,

anna st. ~