Thoughts while Traveling
1.04.2005
2005
The emergence of 2005 has successfully blindsided me and I am now...4 days? late on this realization. Now on to acceptance of this insane notion. I am not sure I know what happened to 2004, although it seems when pondering the issue that it has been full of events, steps, milestones, and the like. In thinking back to the beginning of 2004, I am faced with the awesome reality that God has been faithful as usual. He has redirected my steps when I didn't think there was any hope for me. He has lit a small spark in my soul that I was afraid had been snuffed out along the way. He has made a way for my husband and I to walk with assurance that He has created us to glorify Himself, and He has given us a small glimpse of how we can offer up our humble gifts and passions to be used for His kingdom. The road of 2004 has been full of bumps, potholes, and roadblocks. Some have been painful and fear has won over in more moments than I would like to admit and repent. And yet my God, who is full of grace and love, accepts me with open arms just the same.
There are some things I will never understand. The past week has been another reminder of that. Why things happen the way that they do, when they do, etc. Death is one of those things. My most recent experience with death was a different one. A life that was ready and willing to pass on into the arms of Jesus, and the waiting was painful. I wish I could have had one more conversation with my grandfather, as most of my family did. However, I knew the second I entered the elevator over Thanksgiving weekend at the hospital that this would be the last time. And it was. I am glad I saw him awake and alert. He spoke of how God was giving him opportunities to pray with people in the hospital, and his heart was so tender and soft. It was beautiful. I wish I could have been there for my family who went through the hell of the week between Christmas and the new year, but I know that all things work together for good. The past few days have been sweet memories with my family, with the exception of a few incidences (as family goes) and a few mixed nuts around (that's all I am saying about that).
My grandmother is a treasure. She is becoming one of my champions. I hope I can learn to be as graceful as she is. Full and overflowing.
Standing on the wet ground again at Westview cemetery. A few feet from the headstones of my cherished Aaron and my dear Kathy, who are only a few feet themselves from my friend Brock, uncle Steve, Patty, and now my Papa is right there with them. It is surreal to stand there and look down at their names and remember the blessings that they were. Surreal.
Life goes on. What a stupid and yet true thing to say. It sounds so ridiculous and trite, and yet we have to keep saying it in order to brace ourselves and keep moving forward. Those of us that remain when some of us leave...we sometimes wish it has been the other way around, and yet reality is that we are still here. There must be a why, and we continue putting one foot in front of the other in pursuing this why.
2004 ended. 2005 is ahead, with possibilities that are endless. I am grateful and I am blessed. God is good and He remains as always on the throne and the one I worship with all of my heart.
The new semester begins. For the first time in my entire life, I made straight A's. My first semester of grad school. May seem like a small thing, but to me it is a significant accomplishment. That I am capable of achieving higher things. The fact that it only took me 25 years (snort) is meaningless to me. Marty, congrats on your straight A's, too. See, us right brained artsy fartsy types can come out on top! It's a good feeling. And to think that my motto that got me through my last few semesters of college was "D is for DIPLOMA"...no longer applies. It's the little things in life sometimes that propel us forward.
Justin will be home from play rehearsal soon. I know I get mushy at times when describing and referring to my husband, but he is fabulous and I am so blessed. I am so proud of you and I love you very much.
God is good. 2005 will glorify you and you alone, Jesus. Leading to that glorious day when "every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that you are Lord."
Adios.
There are some things I will never understand. The past week has been another reminder of that. Why things happen the way that they do, when they do, etc. Death is one of those things. My most recent experience with death was a different one. A life that was ready and willing to pass on into the arms of Jesus, and the waiting was painful. I wish I could have had one more conversation with my grandfather, as most of my family did. However, I knew the second I entered the elevator over Thanksgiving weekend at the hospital that this would be the last time. And it was. I am glad I saw him awake and alert. He spoke of how God was giving him opportunities to pray with people in the hospital, and his heart was so tender and soft. It was beautiful. I wish I could have been there for my family who went through the hell of the week between Christmas and the new year, but I know that all things work together for good. The past few days have been sweet memories with my family, with the exception of a few incidences (as family goes) and a few mixed nuts around (that's all I am saying about that).
My grandmother is a treasure. She is becoming one of my champions. I hope I can learn to be as graceful as she is. Full and overflowing.
Standing on the wet ground again at Westview cemetery. A few feet from the headstones of my cherished Aaron and my dear Kathy, who are only a few feet themselves from my friend Brock, uncle Steve, Patty, and now my Papa is right there with them. It is surreal to stand there and look down at their names and remember the blessings that they were. Surreal.
Life goes on. What a stupid and yet true thing to say. It sounds so ridiculous and trite, and yet we have to keep saying it in order to brace ourselves and keep moving forward. Those of us that remain when some of us leave...we sometimes wish it has been the other way around, and yet reality is that we are still here. There must be a why, and we continue putting one foot in front of the other in pursuing this why.
2004 ended. 2005 is ahead, with possibilities that are endless. I am grateful and I am blessed. God is good and He remains as always on the throne and the one I worship with all of my heart.
The new semester begins. For the first time in my entire life, I made straight A's. My first semester of grad school. May seem like a small thing, but to me it is a significant accomplishment. That I am capable of achieving higher things. The fact that it only took me 25 years (snort) is meaningless to me. Marty, congrats on your straight A's, too. See, us right brained artsy fartsy types can come out on top! It's a good feeling. And to think that my motto that got me through my last few semesters of college was "D is for DIPLOMA"...no longer applies. It's the little things in life sometimes that propel us forward.
Justin will be home from play rehearsal soon. I know I get mushy at times when describing and referring to my husband, but he is fabulous and I am so blessed. I am so proud of you and I love you very much.
God is good. 2005 will glorify you and you alone, Jesus. Leading to that glorious day when "every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that you are Lord."
Adios.
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