Thoughts while Traveling
3.19.2006
Stream of consciousness on a Sunday night in March of 2006.
It has been a while. Not because life hasn't been happening. It has, and abundantly for that matter.
Growing pains, conviction, humbling, opportunity, challenge, relationship, stretching, attack, battle, and victory. Victory, of course, because when walking in obedience, as painful as it can be at times, always ends in an exhilerating victory dance.
So here I exist in my bathrobe this evening, looking forward to each day as a gift and an opportunity, casting off lies, defeat, and discouragement. Even when in the midst of a storm, the "eye" is as peaceful a place that exists.That can only be attributed to one person, and the Creator of the Universe as well as my small peanut-sized life deserves the Glory that it only His.
I am sitting here as I write watching my favorite show on TV, "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." I have a friend that rolls her eyes and calls this show "emotional manipulation..." Well, I am sure there are elements of it that are just that. Now, I can be easily emotionally manipulated, HOWEVER, that seems a minute and insignificant point to me when I actually see real people being touched by the open arms and selfless giving of others. Who cares about the way it is portrayed, filmed, and executed with the soundtrack and tears? I, for one do not. So it makes me cry. So it makes me sad, and it touches my human and fragile side. The fact of the matter is is spins my overstimulated and stressed out brain into a downward spiral, back to the heart of why I exist. The bottom line. Love. What a great way to start a week, in my opinion. It's what I decide to do with what I have seen that matters. I can't help but go to bed afterwards thinking of how I can make a difference in someone's life tommorow. Thinking about how I can love somebody in not necessarily the way I want to or in a way that comes naturally to me, but in the way that will make a difference to them. So, let me be manipulated -- but more importantly, let me be reminded in the midst of this WHY I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE AND LOVE THEM. Not for my own glory, but for the Glory of my Father, who gave me life.
I have been reminded lately of a huge lesson. It is this: The utter importance and value to the Kingdom of sharing my story. Not that "my story" is that significant in itself, but as followers of Christ, our experiences and more importantly, our victorious completion of these experiences serve to edify, challenge, and encourage others. In recent years, I have become deluded into thinking two things on a regular basis. One: That the things I have experienced in my life are to be hoarded and protected by me, because only people that have proven themselves trustworthy would be priviledged enough to know where I have come from. Yikes. The moment I realized the selfishness and ugliness of that attitude was a dark one in which I could only find myself on my knees in repentance. Two: That what I have to share isn't worthy enough to be heard. What a lie! A lie that I bought into and one that kept me from being a light in a dark place. This personal revelation lifted my head from the floor, forced me to look up to Heaven, and ask for the courage to walk in obedience again. To ask for wisdom and discernment and a fearlessness of leaving my flesh behind and simply obeying and allowing the Spirit to speak through my life.
My friend Todd, while walking through the valley himself, boldly yanked me out of my wallowing and proclaimed this to me. He probably doesn't even know it. That' s what is so great about how God works. Despite ourselves! Thank you, my dear, dear friend, for your obedience.
I am in the process of gaining back my existence. My existence in Christ- the reasons why I was created. I will no longer shrink back. I will no longer forsake my giftings. I will no longer try to be invisible. I will no longer doubt my abilities. I will no longer worry about making people uncomfortable by sharing my heart. For I am crucified with Christ, therefore I no longer live. All I can do is obey- and contend, leaving the rest up to One much more qualified to handle it all.
If anybody is reading this little post, and I am not presumptuous enough to think that you are- but just in case, I realize it is personal and is vulnerable. Nevertheless, I am to be transparent; that is who God called me to be. I pray that you will be encouraged in your own journey with God, and if you don't know Him, I pray that you will come into contact with Him soon. I am sick and tired of filtering my heart. Adios to that mentality and bondage.
Sometimes we need to proclaim our victory from the rooftop. As we were talking about this morning at about 3:30 am, hate is contagious- like the freaking plague. We see enough of this epidemic in our country, from those that are lost, and sadly, from those that claim to be enlightened as well. I venture to say that love is even more contagious, more powerful, and spreads faster. I want to be in that camp~
Growing pains, conviction, humbling, opportunity, challenge, relationship, stretching, attack, battle, and victory. Victory, of course, because when walking in obedience, as painful as it can be at times, always ends in an exhilerating victory dance.
So here I exist in my bathrobe this evening, looking forward to each day as a gift and an opportunity, casting off lies, defeat, and discouragement. Even when in the midst of a storm, the "eye" is as peaceful a place that exists.That can only be attributed to one person, and the Creator of the Universe as well as my small peanut-sized life deserves the Glory that it only His.
I am sitting here as I write watching my favorite show on TV, "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." I have a friend that rolls her eyes and calls this show "emotional manipulation..." Well, I am sure there are elements of it that are just that. Now, I can be easily emotionally manipulated, HOWEVER, that seems a minute and insignificant point to me when I actually see real people being touched by the open arms and selfless giving of others. Who cares about the way it is portrayed, filmed, and executed with the soundtrack and tears? I, for one do not. So it makes me cry. So it makes me sad, and it touches my human and fragile side. The fact of the matter is is spins my overstimulated and stressed out brain into a downward spiral, back to the heart of why I exist. The bottom line. Love. What a great way to start a week, in my opinion. It's what I decide to do with what I have seen that matters. I can't help but go to bed afterwards thinking of how I can make a difference in someone's life tommorow. Thinking about how I can love somebody in not necessarily the way I want to or in a way that comes naturally to me, but in the way that will make a difference to them. So, let me be manipulated -- but more importantly, let me be reminded in the midst of this WHY I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE AND LOVE THEM. Not for my own glory, but for the Glory of my Father, who gave me life.
I have been reminded lately of a huge lesson. It is this: The utter importance and value to the Kingdom of sharing my story. Not that "my story" is that significant in itself, but as followers of Christ, our experiences and more importantly, our victorious completion of these experiences serve to edify, challenge, and encourage others. In recent years, I have become deluded into thinking two things on a regular basis. One: That the things I have experienced in my life are to be hoarded and protected by me, because only people that have proven themselves trustworthy would be priviledged enough to know where I have come from. Yikes. The moment I realized the selfishness and ugliness of that attitude was a dark one in which I could only find myself on my knees in repentance. Two: That what I have to share isn't worthy enough to be heard. What a lie! A lie that I bought into and one that kept me from being a light in a dark place. This personal revelation lifted my head from the floor, forced me to look up to Heaven, and ask for the courage to walk in obedience again. To ask for wisdom and discernment and a fearlessness of leaving my flesh behind and simply obeying and allowing the Spirit to speak through my life.
My friend Todd, while walking through the valley himself, boldly yanked me out of my wallowing and proclaimed this to me. He probably doesn't even know it. That' s what is so great about how God works. Despite ourselves! Thank you, my dear, dear friend, for your obedience.
I am in the process of gaining back my existence. My existence in Christ- the reasons why I was created. I will no longer shrink back. I will no longer forsake my giftings. I will no longer try to be invisible. I will no longer doubt my abilities. I will no longer worry about making people uncomfortable by sharing my heart. For I am crucified with Christ, therefore I no longer live. All I can do is obey- and contend, leaving the rest up to One much more qualified to handle it all.
If anybody is reading this little post, and I am not presumptuous enough to think that you are- but just in case, I realize it is personal and is vulnerable. Nevertheless, I am to be transparent; that is who God called me to be. I pray that you will be encouraged in your own journey with God, and if you don't know Him, I pray that you will come into contact with Him soon. I am sick and tired of filtering my heart. Adios to that mentality and bondage.
Sometimes we need to proclaim our victory from the rooftop. As we were talking about this morning at about 3:30 am, hate is contagious- like the freaking plague. We see enough of this epidemic in our country, from those that are lost, and sadly, from those that claim to be enlightened as well. I venture to say that love is even more contagious, more powerful, and spreads faster. I want to be in that camp~
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