Thoughts while Traveling

I have many thoughts right now. Too many. Maybe blogging will help me file them in my brain and my heart.

I miss my family. Moving away from what you know and what has become a (sometimes wacked out) support system can be very liberating and exciting. However, I just miss them. All of you. Lord, bless them all today.

Bless my brother, Lord, at camp. Lead him unmistakeably to your throne and into your will. Use his beautiful, tender, contagious spirit to challenge and lift up others. Let him feel your love today, Father. Give him a new zest for life and what an adventure life can be if we give it up continually.

Bless my sister, Jesus. She is in another land, speaking another language, probably eating interesting and fabulous food (I am sure she sneaks in the pringles)and meeting tons of intruiging people. Lord, use her to be a bright and shining light for you while she is there. Bring her to a new knowledge of how big and how vast you are. Pour your blessings upon her life today, Lord.

Bless my parents, who are also in a foreign land, ministering to your people who are called by your name, probably eating really weird food themselves. (I know...I've been there:) Lord, use them mightily to encourage believers and non-believers like. Let them come home changed by your Spirit, with a newly lit flame in their souls burning for you.

You are the protector of your children, God. Keep them safe.

Today, Lord, I stand in awe of your ways. I marvel when I think about the provision you have rained on Justin and myself. I can't wait to see where you are going with us...us little street-rats. (no pun intended...I am giggling at the unexpected irony)
I just want to praise you with my whole being..and that's not enough. I want to give you more and more...

Justin came and had lunch with me, and as we were sitting outside looking over this anointed and beautiful campus, I was filled with such a deep peace. Like the best days are ahead. Not because of anything we have done or worked for or deserve, but because our Lord is just oozing his grace and mercy on us. We talked of the uncertainty of the future...but not with despair and fear that creeps in sometimes. Instead with hope and excitement. I told Justin today that I think God has a surprise party planned for him...where he blesses him abundantly unleashes the amazing talent and gifts he has given to my husband. I can't wait! I believe this...

This morning we were having prayer in our department (my favorite part of the job) and this guy, Harrison (can't wait to get to know him, he is an intruiging mystery) spoke a word to "someone" in the circle. He said that this person is embarking on a time of preparation, and the Lord wants them to know that He is their strength, and this time of preparation will reap a great reward. Is it ok for me to believe that word was for me and Justin? Because I felt this surge of excitement...and I believe it to be true for us. Lord, forgive me if I stole someone else's word from you, but I just can't wait for the dreams you have placed in us to come to fruition. Prepare us, Lord. Let us not miss a thing.

I got an email from a friend, well, more of an aquaintance from Asbury. It was very out of the blue, and at first I was wondering where the heck this came from. Then I continued reading. She gave me a brief update on her life and inquired about mine (the usual opening lines of an irregular email). She told me that one of her close friends has just recently lost her boyfriend of five years in a car accident. (I have stopped breathing at this point). She then goes on to ask if I would feel comfortable emailing her and encouraging her. Whoa. Ok. What? Ok. Now. I have learned that God really and truly uses us through our own experiences. I knew a long time ago, even in the throws of grief myself that there would be a day when God would use me in this way. Then there is the little devil sitting on my shoulder telling me otherwise. Let me lay it out this way:

DEVIL: You can't possibly say anything that will make her feel better.

ME: you're probably right. I remember.

DEVIL: yeah, remember. Remember the dark side. The part of you that hated others for even trying to understand.The stupid and asinine things people said to you out of ignorance or fear. Remember? No one could understand.You don't want to make her feel those things. Just like you were alone, now she is alone.

ME: wait...was I alone?I remember the moments of being so alone.I remember the anger and the tears and the weakness and the...but I also remember the times when God surprised me with someone who gave me a glimmer of hope. I remember wanting to die myself in a bad way and someone calling and stopping me from doing something stupid. I remember wanting to sleep my life away and someone dragging me to Waffle House at 3AM with their laptop to help me write the paper that was due the next day. I remember the times when I just wanted to cry an endless river and someone came to make me laugh so hard I peed my pants. I remember each of those people and I know their faces as well as their hearts.

DEVIL: but...REMEMBER THE DARK!!!!!

ME: I rebuke these thoughts in the name of Jesus, my redeemer and my Savior. I WILL write her...I have no idea what I am going to say or how I am going to say it, but I believe that God has just given me an opprtunity to love. Show me how, Lord. Give me your words. I leave it with you.

Well, that's that, I suppose.

What a strange way to articulate the battle in my mind. That worked, though. Cool. Praise the Lord.

To drastically change the subject yet again, I want my friend out there in blogger land to know that I think that I have found one of my all time favorite lyrics in a song.

"...I'D RATHER DIE THAN NOT HAVE WINGS TO FLY"

Love it. Thanks, buddy. Bless you today, too. :)