Thoughts while Traveling

Balance. This is what I am trying to accomplish in my life. It's bigger than me...and it is challenging my faith like you wouldn't believe. I have never lived a very disciplined lifestyle, as much as I may think my efforts were grand. And yet, it is now. And it's imperative. God can only do it...which makes perfect sense why He brought me here and now. So that I stop trying so hard to control my life.

Here's where I am: I am living in a place that was at first a mystery but now feels more like home than any place I've been in a long time. I am back in school and actually beginning to enjoy it for the first time in my life, even when I put my husband through hell sometimes with my weeping and wailing. (I'm sorry,baby.) I am in a job that is stretching me beyond my limits and that is putting my left brain(as tiny as it is) through boot camp for 40 hours a week. I have committed to working out each day and getting my body healthy and "aligned". I have quit for good my favorite bad habit, which actually was just a control tactic masked as addiction. I have many opportunities to grow artistically. I am back in an environment that has always felt "right", even though my fear of it has always untimately won.

And my God has done all of this, pretty much while I was looking around frantically in despair. Thank you, Lord. Help me. Manage me. Fill me. Quiet me. Charge me.