Thoughts while Traveling

Bon Bastille Day!

Today being le quatourze de juillet (the 14th of july)- it is Bastille Day, or...French Independence Day. I took french in high school and college and I love the language- love the country (despite any political discourse), and although my sister-in-law might abhor this blog so far, I would urge her and anyone who comes across it to read on. I have a real reason for bringing this up besides a history lesson or an affinity for things from the frogland.
As many may or may not know, the independence that is celebrated every 14th of July is not freedom from an outside force, but from self. In July 1789, France was not occupied by another country. In fact, it was very strong. Maybe too strong. The 14th of July marks the beginning of the French Revolution (One Day More...hehe). The purpose of the revolution was to overthrow those in control. Not an outside force mind you, but a part of itself that was misguided and not fulfilling its purpose.

I can guess that you're thinking...

Yeah... so.

Here's the deal. Yesterday I got some... news, let's say. I've decided not to say "good" or "bad." I found out that I will not be able to go in a direction that I thought I would be able to go. This direction would've definitely been interesting and I feel like it would have been fulfilling. More than that, it would have been stable. I have a family. Yeah, it's just the two of us, but we are definitely a family. Stability is a new concern of mine. Never thought it would be, but it definitely is now. And what with this "news," I feel as if that stability has been shaken.
But this is what I'm finding- stability gets distorted by our humanity. For there is no more stable a place than in the palm of God's hand. And I mean in the PALM. Not chilling out by the wrist trying to stay on your feet so you can still assess the situation and run or jump if you need to- in the palm! Surrounded on all sides by the most gentle and yet powerful fingers that created even the very physical earth beneath our feet- which, incidentally, is usually the standard we use when we think of stability.
And I find that with God, we often have to do the complete opposite from what we know to be true as humans. To steady yourself, you grab on to something- and you're holding on to your ability to steady yourself- and you don't DARE let go until you're steady. But the whole last week leading up to yesterday I've been getting these little messages that I might need to let go. I might not need to steady myself. I might need, for a change, to fall in the palm.

And so today I too celebrate a revolution and an independence from self. Today I overthrow the parts of myself that are making decisions- and are misguided and not fulfilling their purposes- and give in to a new regime. But not a regime that I control or influence or micro-manage ("God, if you'll do this...)- a regime that I love and trust and obey... and really listen to. Listening... I almost feel as if I have to learn that. It seems so foreign.
You know what else is foreign? Feeling this exposed. My wife is better at the whole baring one's soul thing. But she is right about it being therapeutic. Now if I can just click the "publish post" button...