Thoughts while Traveling

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?

You are a child of God, small games do not work in this world. For those around us to feel peace, it is not example to make ourselves small. We were born to express the glory of god that lives in us. It is not in some of us, it is in all of us. While we allow our light to shine, we unconsciously give permission for others to do the same. When we liberate ourselves from our own fears, simply our presence may liberate others.’

- Marianne Williamson in Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles

We watched "Akeela and the Bee" a few weeks ago, and this quote used in the film was so beautiful and profound, it sticks with me. What a great movie, and so well done.
If you haven't seen it, make sure to add to your Netflix list- or whatever. It's worth it-

I have found myself in a situation I want to run from as fast as I can.
I have a recent history of doing so. I wonder if that is why the doors aren't quite opening for a miraculous act of deliverance, God? Perhaps...

I feel persecuted, misunderstood, taken advantage of, and offended beyond belief by the unethical and immoral actions of people that I spend a good portion of my days with. I want so badly to defend myself and make sure that everyone knows the TRUTH.

I am sure that you know nothing of that kind of feeling, Lord?

Through my thick costume of sarcasm, my heart hurts for them. Through my costume of defeat, my pride suffers like a gaping bloody wound. My innate need for justice wants to shout out. My selfish flesh wants to just vacate the building and wash my hands of the entire place, which of course would include some people that I have come to care about.

I don't know what to say anymore.

And yet the more I talk to you about it, God, the more I begin to see reasons... That hurts, too. I have to ask myself "what matters more?" The child in me wants to throw a temper tantrum. Maybe this is one of those defining decisions in life which begs me choose the path that is slightly more narrow?

I talked with you this morning, and I opened the book on my desk to the page that said "October 25" and I read this:

"I find myself threatened, challenged, and exhilerated by Christ's freedom from human respect, his extraordinary independence, indomitable courage, and unparalleled
authenticity. In preaching the gospel I have been graced to speak fearlessly in the knowledge and conviction that the Word of God must not be fettered, compromised, or watered down; but in my personal life my fears and insecurities lead me voraciously to seek the approval of others, to assume a defensive posture when I am unjustly accused, to feel guilty over refusing any request, to doggedly live up to others' expectations, to be all things to all men in a way that would make the apostle Paul shudder." - Manning, "Reflections for Ragamuffins"

If only my flesh could be banished...then I could be more like you.

Wait, that's the point, isn't it?

A few snaps from the big day

So, my baby sister is a married woman. That's just weird. Not a bad weird, a good weird? Booth and I just sat on a hill in the woods in dark silence after the last guest took off and the place was somewhat cleaned. And life continues to change. As always.

We now have a slew of International extended family, and I think that's great. Jeff's family is fabulous. Several hilarious moments and heart to heart talks alike. One of my favorites was when Carly and I were picking up Sarah's wedding dress from the cleaner's in Denton and the lovely lady beind the counter was talking about a yard sale where she bought a cat that looks so real- it's in the window of her car, etc... Carly looks at me and says, " I don't understand a word she just said!" And this was the beginning of the translating back and forth the very different versions of this language we call English. Very funny.

The rain forced us inside for the ceremony, but it was still great and they are still married, so....mission accomplished.

And the fun begins for you, Sarah dear...

congratulations. Now the bets are on as to who's going to reproduce first. Dad isn't getting any younger, you know. He's waiting on a grandchild....you better get to it!