Thoughts while Traveling

Praying that Sarah-Bo gets home for Christmas...

It is almost Christmas. Time flies, man.

My sister is in the hospital and in pain. Prayers for her- I love you, Sarah bo.
My brother is in transition - prayers for him. Love to you, too.
My grandparents are in a final major transition of life- Prayers for them.

I don't know whats going on in the grand scheme of my own life, except that my Father still sits on the throne and IS LOVE. That means there is no reason to fear or worry- right?

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:29

One would think that the sting of rejection would gradually decrease time after time.

It doesn't.

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Visioning

You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights. You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details. An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path. You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum.

I work at a newspaper. Every December the newsroom has a massive book sale that makes me happy. They purge and those of us that dare, indulge. Today was the day. I walked down the hall with nostalgic thoughts of one my favorite days in elementary school known as the book fairs. These mentioned book fairs could have very well been the start to my shopping addiction, now that I think about it. Anyway, my purchases include a total of 4 hardback novels that sparked my interest, as well as 3 CD's that looked promising, a tiny Christmas book for a special kid in my life, and last but not least another cool and obscure book that is destined for a specific individual who will remain nameless due to the surprise element of the Christmas season. Justin has rubbed off on me, I suppose. Surprises aren't totally bad.

The grand total for all my treasures? A whopping $11. Love that. Sarah would be so proud.

I have been sitting here reading one of these books and had to stop. I have been struck and wanted to write it down so I don't forget. Written by Catherine Ryan Hyde, the novel is called Love in the Present Tense. It has a picture of a kid jumping off a cliff after some birds. It's a beautiful picture, and that is probably the reason it appealed to me in the first place. The visual learner in me can't be pursuaded to change. Good thing the writing is agreeable. I am engrossed already in the story and more, these characters that have stolen my heart. This story would make a great play or screenplay.

Anyhow, my stopping place that nudged me here was a description of Leonard, a motherless, fatherless kid who is so different he makes everyone around him ponder his existence.

"He just has this thing about transcendence. Doesn't want too many earthbound connections... That's Leonard's approach to life itself. He refuses to unpack."

Man, if that little piece of fiction doesn't make me stop and ponder not only Leonard's existence, but my own...

Please excuse me, I think I have a bit of packing to do.

Work is slow as molasses and believe it or not, I have run out of things to "google." It's funny to me as this word is a widely used verb.

Dear blogger, I feel numb these days. I wish I felt a little more passionate about, well, anything. I am not sure what I feel or where I am headed. Kathy's handwriting I have framed as saying, "Cling to what you know, and not what you feel." She wrote this to me during my summer in Zambia, while in the throws of grief and despair and searching for signs of my Creator (I found Him, by the way).

It is now years later, and I am reciting this to myself still.

As mentioned before, I am not exactly busy this day. Earlier, I took a curious look back at blogs past, not sure what I would find. All the way back to February, 2004 when tangosandflowers was birthed. Wow, has it been that long? Time flies, I say. Many twists and turns, victory's and defeats, growth galore... and friend's unmatched.

So I take this prime opportunity to evaluate. Rather than sitting on my arse waiting for the phone to ring and mindlessly surfing the web, I challenge myself to ponder.

What are the things that I know?

I am going to fight any urge to do this methodically, and just let it flow as it will- rhyme and reason set to the side.

1. I am still alive. There must be a reason for that.
2. I am blessed with a partner in this journey that ages like a fine wine, in every way. I still sometimes look at you in total wonder that you are mine.
3. I am still teachable.
4. I continue to be forgiven and redeemed. My God is one of second chances, and I can't fathom how much grace that actually takes.
5. Faith and strong values were instilled in me as a child when I was hardly paying attention. As an adult looking back, I appreciate this more than they will ever know.
6. It really is a rare thing to find true character and integrity in this world that we live in. I know this sad truth, but believe that one day...all will be revealed.
7. Hindsight really and truly is 20/20.
8. Family is THE most important thing. If we can't count on each other, even concerning the hard and "untouchable" things, what's the use? Really.
9. God really does care enough to weave in and out of our lives the hearts that are needed to move us forward. I am eternally thankful and grateful for this truth.
10. All things really do work together for good...(and the important part) for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.
11. Diversity begs to be embraced.
12. Vulnerability does not come as easy as it used to. Help.
13. No mountain is too steep.
14. Moments are so important.
15. Every day is an opportunity.

Thanks, Kathy. I miss you, you know. My life is still carrying on here, and I am remain clinging to the things that I know and walking with that knowledge at a steady pace. Perhaps too steady. Stepping on the gas a bit wouldn't hurt.

The clock is showing 4:37pm and I am almost free from what us girls affectionately call the "sweat shop" for the weekend. I am exhausted. My thoughts as I embark on 2 days of unscheduled time?

-My house is a wreck.
-My dog is attention deprived.
-My husband probably is, too.
-I need to get into the Christmas spirit.
-That's hard when it's 80 degrees outside on December 1st. Fine if you are in Florida.I moved north for a reason. Seasons are supposed to occur.
It's supposed to get cold again tomorrow.
-We need to get a Christmas tree.
-I hope Theo will not eat it
-Tomorrowwe should do that.
-After cleaning the house.
-We need to go on a date.
-tomorrow?

Various memories of the week:

-News of no babies. That's good for now.
-Monday evening I was working on a recording and got through the 2nd piece and puked all over the place about 10 seconds after the last note.
-Soon after the 1st bout, I ended up lying on the nasty bathroom floor of the academy of music in Justin's lap wishing I could die and come back to life when it was over.
-Finishing the grueling process on Thursday and sleeping well thereafter.
-Standing in the UPS store and asking the guy for the envelopes back, laying my hands on it and praying while he stared.I told him why.Maybe he will remember that?
Small opportunities.
-Hearing the fabulous news that more wedding planning is in the near future, which makes me very excited. Congrats to our dear firends Todd and Lindsey, I love love love you and am so excited for you.





My heart is full. My head and my body are ready to hibernate.

Psalm of the day: "Wait, I say, wait on the Lord." Psalm 27:14