Thoughts while Traveling

Our human weakness does not dilute the strength of God’s love.
Jesus demonstrated the fullness of His love by kneeling to serve and cleanse betrayers, deniers, and deserters alike.
In His servant-leadership, God is willing to touch and purify even the most embarrassing parts of our lives.

Good weekend. Happy Memorial Day to everyone. Good to see all our friends from the good ole days in Denton, and although I wouldn't say we were able to spend "quality time" with you all, it was still great to see your faces and get to hug you.

It was just good for my soul to be..THERE. That place that holds so many memories. A lot of those memories have been painful on my former visits, and yet this time was so peaceful and serene. I was able to remember and smile. Recall and allow the moments to wash over me like a light blanket of lavender, with a sweet aroma that comforts and allows hope to spark. I walked Harvey around camp for about 2 hours on Saturday morning, and had many memories come flooding back to me. I laughed when I walked back behind the conservatory cabins to the lake and remembered vividly when he dropped me on my head and I had to go the hospital because a bobby pin of all things became lodged in my scalp for a brief second. A few tears fell when walking by the cross next to the lake, remembering our last night of camp that year, when we shared God word together with our "kids" and gave them the river rocks.

I could go on and on...Reminiscing every bench, paddle boat, and gazebo...but those sweet memories are all available still, and they are mine. It really is quite significant~ the change in my reaction to this place. Because God has done quite a remodeling in my heart and has turned so many ashes to beauty.

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

HE does that. And I am forever changed. Not a "new life" which I had been dillusioned into thinking I needed or even wanted, but a restoration, rebirth, and a continuation of the one that has been given to me. A new kind of thread in the quilt, one with a vibrant new color and a texture I never thought existed. And my face is once again on the floor, in awe and stunned at His artistry.

"Jesus, O, Jesus is all I can say..."

And here we are, back home. I have never felt more at home in my life than I do here in our tiny overpriced yet cozy apartment in Norfolk, Virginia. With my husband, a good man that I don't deserve, but accept humbly as a magnificent gift from my Father. Justin is a good man. He stands for what is right and embraces life with a tight grip and a giggle that is more contagious than the flu. I love that. My cup runneth over. I am so proud of him and how far he has come, and I sit on pins and needles in anticipation to see God's plan worked out in his life. Sounds so mushy, but I can't help it. I was walking along the dirt road this morning hand in hand with the two men in my life that keep me going and remind me constantly how awesome God is. Booth~ I am so proud of you I can hardly stand it. You are becoming such a strong man of God. You are not only wise beyond your years, but you are anointed. Anointed to bless so many people in the name of Jesus. I have always known that, and yet as I see you get older (and fatter) I am still amazed to see it all unfold. Never stop singing your heart out and stepping out to be the leader that you are meant to be. wow. I know that kind of sounds like a yearbook greeting, but I had to say it.

Justin is mumbling in his sleep at the moment. Unintelligible. Wish I knew what was happening---or perhaps it's better we don't. Probably one of his super hero dreams I will hear in detail later. That's my husband, folks...:)

I found out tonight I have been cast in a film that will be aired on the Inspiration Network. I will be the "hotel clerk." I am stoked! It was my first film audition ever, and it was a lot of fun. I am excited to give it a go and try film out. Quite different from "larger than life" musical theatre, that's for sure. I really am excited about that. Still waiting to hear back from the Virginia Opera about the upcoming season...just the thought of being back on stage in the opera world makes my heart skip a beat. I miss singing. My soul is released when I sing, and it has been too long...

Enough random blogging for now. Time to interrupt the super hero from his adventures to claim my side of the bed.

adios.

oh yeah, about the blog title----it's best to just chalk it up to "one of David Dawe's "special" moments and move on.

~ read this devotional written by one of my favorite lyricists and musicians, as well as a kindred spirit. It resonated with me and I thought I would post it just in case somebody out there needed to be reminded...


're Beautiful - from the iWorship Devotional

by Sara Groves

If eyes are the windows to a person’s soul, it is no wonder that there has never been a rendition of the face of Christ that satisfies my question: what did Jesus look like? What artist could capture the eyes of Emanuel, God with us? What actor could portray the eyes that act as windows into the very soul of God? We can only make crude and barbaric guesses, and we can only use the poorest substitutes to convey those eyes.
And yet, according to scripture, the Messiah was nothing special to look at. “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.” (Isaiah 53:2b) I’m sure many people passed him on the street or even spoke to him without pause. People without spiritual sight miss beautiful things all the time, because in kingdom language, what God calls beautiful is not what our world calls beautiful. Though seeing, we do not see. (Matthew 13:13)

And that is where I find myself. I am in a world where I am surrounded by unattainable definitions of beauty. I constantly compare myself to air-brushed fiction, and question my worth because of my inability to pull off perfection that even the most beautiful people don’t really pull off in real life. On a bad day, my favorite thought is that there is another kingdom, and in that other kingdom beauty has nothing to do with toned thighs and long eyelashes.

But on a really bad day, my next thought is, “That’s right, it’s not about your thighs, it’s about your heart,” knowing full well that on a really bad day my heart is even more ugly than my thighs. Enter Jesus, the Most Beautiful, and “...the radiance of God’s glory.” (Hebrews 1:3) Jesus didn’t come to shame me. He didn’t come to be perfect and then say, “See, it’s easy to be perfect.” Jesus came to make me truly beautiful like he is truly beautiful.

Christ took on my appearance when he hung on the cross. The One who had no ugliness in him became the ugliest for me, so that in Him I might become beautiful. (2Cor 5:21) Paul says that I can even stand with confidence before my creator. “Through faith in Jesus we may approach God with freedom and confidence.” (Ephesians 3:12) I can’t imagine standing before a God who sees all things with confidence, but because of Christ I can and will stand “without blemish”. (Eph 5:27)

This is my most humbling thought on a really bad day: because Jesus looked like me, I can look like Him. And He is beautiful.

I love this picture and have it on my screen at work. if I squint just right I can block out everything and imagine that these are my legs stretched out in front of me, and i am...there. I can almost feel the breeze and smell the grass.

Update on the girls (my flowers): they are all thriving and lovely. Princess Sophia is a little tempermental, but what can we expect? "Your water with a twist of Miracle Grow, your Highness..."

Going to start my oil painting class next week, which I am much anticipating. Brilliant. I have always had an itch to paint, more like a groaning monster inside my stomach. Can't wait to start...and what better time than now, when I am for the first time in my memory free enough (in my spirit) to pursue more of what my heart longs for rather than what is expected of me. Sometimes I sit and think "isn't that sad?" that it has taken me this long, but I am forced out of that by a wave of urgency that reminds to seize the day and enjoy the present. Love. play. dream. rest. encourage. PAINT!

My new weekend ritual at the beach...digging my feet deep in the sand and reading a good book, has been reviving for the soul. I love living at the edge of the earth.(so to speak)The ocean to me is better than going to church. I don't know that I have ever been to the beach and not been in awe of the majesty and greatness of my Father. The sight always brings me to worship. Always. For some reason I feel as though I am surrounded by the "great cloud of witnesses" there at the edge...

Notice to the left of the page that there is a new addition, blessing for the day. Reminds me of when we were kids and mom passed around the "promise box" for us each to read a verse. Remember, sarah and booth?

I love not knowing what the blessing is...just expecting one. Isn't that an interesting thought?

did you know that if you roll an orange around in your hands for a few minutes, when peeling it comes right off, clean and fast?

me either. until now. i am enlightened, and my hands and clothes are juice free.

Decision made and I am at peace. Take my life again, Lord. Accept it and make of it as you will. As YOU will...

Drawing Near to Darkness
Exodus 20:21
The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.

Like the nation of Israel, we are each called to the mountain of God, but few are willing to pass through the darkness to get there. God wanted to reveal His glory to the children of Israel, but they were afraid to enter into His presence. They only wanted to know about God, rather than know him personally like Moses did. This grieved the heart of God.

Why wouldn't the people of Israel risk entering the darkness if it meant being in the presence of God? What did the people fear?

Perhaps they had fears like each of us. The fear of the unknown. The fear of what might happen. The fear that God might not like what He sees. Or, perhaps even the greatest fear: the fear of darkness itself and what lies behind that darkness.

Many of us have been satisfied to hear about God from God's messengers. But there is a greater calling for each of us--a calling to enter into His presence. Sometimes entering into His presence means we enter through an unexpected door-a door that appears to have nothing good behind it.

We do not need to fear entering the presence of God even if it means entering through a period of darkness. Above all else we must believe that God is a God of love. If He calls us into darkness in order to enter His presence, then that darkness will become an entry to new levels of relationship with a God who longs for fellowship with you and me.

"Summer is here," I thought with peaceful excitement as Justin and I sat on our cozy porch last night and ate shrimp sandwiches. We finally decided to give flowers another go and now we have a beautiful assortment hanging and sitting out there. We named them carefully, because we are going to love and nurture them like they do in the movies...perhaps that will work~ I am willing to try anything to keep them alive and thriving! I will not have any more dead flowers on my hands. We have Franny and Zoe on the railing, Princess Sophia hanging up right, and the lovely Auntie Co-Co up left. Then right next to my hammock in Agnes...my new red cactus that is my favorite! There is one more...but a name isn't hitting us. She will have to open up a little more and show us more personality...until then, it's an "IT."

We got a grill, too. To everybody around here, we are going to have a "bring-your-own-meat" party soon...it's BBQ season!

happy anniversary honey!


some great pics from the show

What a whirlwind.The show is over, classes are over. I get straight A's once again...and again I am flabergasted that I was able to pull it off. I hope to begin sleeping regularly again, and again I will most likely fail at that attempt.

My plans for the summer of freedom and relaxation:

1. take a painting class down the street
2. excercise every morning
3. Get back on my diet
4. Plant flowers, lots of pretty flowers
5. Lay on the beach and read....alot
6. Sit in my hammock and watch the kids play
7. Go deep sea fishing~ at least once
8. Hang out with Clay~ who just moved in across the street! What a small world.

Justin landed two paid shows this summer...which is awesome. He will be playing Laertes in "Hamlet" and Lefeau in "Beauty in the Beast." Good stuff. Like I said, I will be on the beach...

To all of you lovely people that came to see our most recent show (mom, dad, booth, sarah, mother teresa, gerald, katie, caroline, dusty, joy, and marty) Thanks for coming and it was SO fabulous to spend a bit of time with you. We love you all and it really meant alot to us that you came. really. xoxoxox.

Looking for a new job, leaving a lot in God's hands. Sometimes He leads us through a windy road...still ending up where He wants us. I wonder a lot, about how He will provide, what doors are open and which are closed, how I will remain (or rather become) sane. And yet I still feel as though I am in the eye of the storm, where it is peaceful. Like I am exactly where I am supposed to be..even with all the garbage. That's cool. If I didn't have hope, I would probably be "pushing up daisies" by this day on this year in time. And yet what has always remained is that God is good.

Tommorow is our two year anniversary. How the heck did that happen? Almost one year ago is the mark when we took the scariest step (besides getting married) we ever have taken, involving alot of faith. Moving into the unknown. And what became of that mustard seed is a beautiful thing. Peace. Joy. Contentment. Challenge. It's amazing when we simply ...obey.

here's to M~Cat and Mother Teresa!