Thoughts while Traveling

Why is that certain people have to deal with the same hardships over and over and over?
I can't help but assume that, like Paul...she suffers with a "thorn in her flesh." Paul's thorn kept him "on his toes" so to speak spiritually as I understand it, and my friend experiences the same...it keeps her broken. I get that. We all have those things in our life that are irreplaceable and yet "ours", but perhaps carry pain with them. I cart along with me certain thorns, that's for sure. Reminders of the journey and the amazing power of God that dug me out of the mud. Things that can be painful, but simultaneously humbling & motivating. The pricking when we shift from one position to another always brings with a sting, that's true. It's a welcomed sting, though...residue of the human condition.

It's still hard to watch someone you love suffer so frequently, you know? I want her to be delivered from it and healed for good. God can do this, of course...but let's be honest... Sometimes he chooses not to for reasons we cannot comprehend. Still believing that she will be whole.. just thinking out loud this morning my burning question. Emily Dickinson once stated, "Dwell in possibility." That serves as a reminder of faith to me, whether or not it was intended as such.

Dwelling is different than groveling.

"Those who dwell in the shelter of the Lord will find safety within his wing..." Psalm 91.

to my friend...safety today.

A person, in a real sense, is what he or she sees. And seeing depends on our eyes. Jesus uses the metaphor of the eyes more often than that of the minds or wills. The old proverb, "The eyes are the windows of the soul," contains a profound truth. our eyes reveal whether our souls are spacious or cramped, hospitable or critical, compassionate or judgemental. The way we see other people is usually the way we see ourselves. If we have made peace with our flawed humanity and have embraced our ragamuffin identity, we are able to tolerate in others what was previously unacceptable in ourselves.

"I am sending you to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me." Acts 26:17-18

~ reflections for ragamuffins- brennan manning

This is so true, and has been proven over and over again in my own life. I can look back and see that what my eyes see and perceive has changed over the years, and the battle against being critical, judgemental, and "cramped" has become less grueling the closer I have come to my Father, and yet the battle is by no means over. It's a daily surrender, and a CHOICE to take the fleshy filter off my eyeballs, so that I may see what my creator sees, in others, and also in myself.
The thought of being free of all this is a hope almost beyond my comprehension...but if we were free of the battle, we wouldn't really have to make the daily CHOICE, would we? And thus our will to love and be loved would diminish over time, I am afraid. We wouldn't want to fight to make the choice anymore.
He is a clever and wise one, our Father. He wants us to fight to get closer to him- I think that's what " take up your cross and follow me" is all about. Of course, HE and his love and grace are free for the taking, but we have to battle through all of the obstacles that stand between us to get to Him. I like that. That means I am not just "free loading", so to speak.

Thoughts and convictions...and reminders in an early morning. Thanks, Brennan. I am, in fact, the most ragged a ragamuffin.

anna st.

anna& lindsey's gingerbread brothel

todd & justin's section 8

our neighbor's, Bo & Africa's winter wonderland...putting out
the electricity in P-town

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply."

"To listen emphatically is the whole essence of commmunicaton."

Twas in a seminar today about "leveraging differences." Took these two quotes away.
Good stuff.

I have read alot on the blogs of friend's & strangers alike as well as in publications expository opinions of the church as a whole, where it is going, and the hearts & minds of those in specific denominations. Dialogue always ensues. How do we reach people? How do we move out of tradition and legalism into becoming a living, breathing, walking, talking, and praying church? How do we move out if the political arena and into being salt & light? More and more I find that discussions among friends who are redeemed inevitably circle around to the subject sooner or later.

I don't relate anymore. I have a hard time responding. Not that I don't get it, it's just that there has become this language barrier. My heart is there, but the arena & lingo have changed.

My lack of a church membership in the past year (or so) in conjunction with a strong hesitation to acquiring one has stemmed from these deeply rooted facts: 1. I have no desire to spend my time in a place of worship that runs like a business- and that's that. 2. I have yet to go to a church in the past year ( and we have visited several) where my heart has been at peace on the way out the door, and I have been compelled to return. Simply put, not a one has been the right fit. Until last Sunday.

We have felt a recent pull toward one place, and if it aint the Holy Spirit doing this in both of our hearts, then I don't know which way is up or down. It's the people there that are beginning to capture our hearts. That has always been my prayer, that I will allow what capture's the heart of Jesus to capture my own. My flesh frequently refuses to comply, but thankfully GRACE covers that moment and I get up and try again. I want to walk in obedience, so if this is the right place and the right people, and the place where I am to use the gifts that my creator has given me- than so be it. Still anticipating a confirmation verbally and in my spirit for the answer.Ever since I read a certain post on my friend Desmond's blog a while back, my heart has been convicted and stirred to get up and use what I have been given. So, this is what I seek.

A song just came into my heart, written by one of my personal "heroes" in my life. The lyrics are , "Only this I ask, only this I seek, that I may dwell in His house all the days of my life....that I may see the beauty of the Lord.." perhaps this "detox" (as Justin puts it) we have been through has taught me most of all that HIS house is not a place we go on Sunday mornings, but it is a state of being. Some people don't need such a dramatic sabbatical from corporate worship to learn this fully, but I am afraid I did. If I had kept going in the direction I was, I fear I would have been lost indefinitely. And furthermore, this season has been one of the most spiritually free and liberating times of my entire life. I have learned to worship without song, and without being in front of a crowd. I have worshipped in silence by myself. I have worshipped in groups of laughing friends. I have worshipped reading His word, and driving my car. I have worshipped ...and I want to live my life worshipping in wonder. I needed this drastic lesson.

So that the next time I commit myself to a body of believer's, I will go worship and fellowship because I want to and LONG to with every fiber of being. That's why. No interest in faking it.

One day I woke up and found myself in a tightly wound caccoon , unable to escape and unable to decipher what was real and what was not. Now I know. There is no better place to be.

Petitioning prayer for direction & discernment,

anna st. ~

I was coerced by my lovely, persuasive friends into creating a "My Space" at http://www.myspace.com/tangosandflowers This was after much hesitation on my part. Wasn't really interested. Blogger was enough of a web presence for me. And for someone who at times has a deep hatred for all things electronic, blogger was a big step.

Alas, I stand rebuked. What a cool site. Do you know that within 3 days I have been reconnected with several people I have lost touch with over the years? I am talking high school - 9th grade, NCSA, & Asbury. People that have remained in my heart all these years and I have wondered what has become of them. I look forward to re-connecting. Memories have been flooding back these past few days of great times- it wasn't another life, it was just 10+ years ago.
So, to Steph, Mandy, Sara, Bee, Christie, Haley~ it's good to see you again. Really good.

Directionally-challenged may be an understatement to describe my condition. Perhaps compass-impaired or spatially-disoriented would be more accurate.

As a child, my sense of direction was so predictably wrong that when we were lost on a road trip, my mother would ask what direction I felt was right and take that as a cue to go the opposite way. As a college student I lost my car at a mall. After hours of searching I frantically called my parents who calmly instructed me to rent a taxi…and drive row by row until the wayward vehicle was found. As an adult, I missed the turn going to my house and did not start wondering why the 20 minute drive was taking 90 minutes until I saw a sign which read, “Entering Mark Twain National Forest.”

Given my history you can imagine that walking in the woods for me takes the courage of Indiana Jones. This is a serious endeavor which requires intense concentration. Where other friends gifted with interior homing beacons stride out in confidence, I carefully examine my surroundings, attempt to find points of references, and then make every effort to stay on the path.

Which brings me to a simple but very personal assortment of thoughts about physical (and spiritual) paths:

~Many see the path, fewer take the path.
~Once selected, paths do not keep you, you keep to them.
~Paths are easier to identify when you STAY on them.
~Though a path seems clear when you are on it, each step taken away from it exponentially increases its obscurity.
~If you lose your way, don’t sit there like an embarrassed tree stump, start screaming at the top of your lungs for help.
~Always remember, being lost is serious stuff.

Though spatial-disorientation doomed my fleeting childhood ambitions of becoming a forest ranger, it has served to emphasize the importance of finding, enjoying, and not straying from God’s good path. His path—and only His path—leads to Eternal Life.
guidance for reflective journaling

One ~ For every soul there is a path called obedience which leads all closer to the heart of God. Spend a few moments describing the path that God has set before you. Does it seem poorly lit or clear? Uneven or level? Spacious or narrow? Lonely or comforting?

Two ~ Disappointment, pain, greed, loss, cravings…many voices invite us to stray from God’s path. But no matter how difficult our path may be, God’s path is always the safest place for His children. Each step away from obedience obscures our vision and makes finding our way back home more difficult. In prayer, talk honestly with Father God about any voices you are tempted to listen to that would cause you to entertain departing from the path of obedience.

Three ~ Recommit your entire self to pursuing God’s path of obedience. Consider Psalm 25.4-5

"Show me Your ways, O LORD;Teach me Your paths.Lead me in Your truth and teach me,For You are the God of my salvation;On You I wait all the day."Psalm 25:4–5

~alicia britt-cole

Lindsey's shindig
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tangosandflowers/sets/1543674/

So the game was this: bowl strike and strike a pose. Check em' out- there are some doozies:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tangosandflowers/sets/1461192/

So I walked into the office this morning and ran into my boss, wearing the exact same
sweater as me. How charming.

The Streets are here for the weekend. Theo will never be the same.

Did anybody tape the finale of the "Biggest Loser"? I missed it... :( Will pay for shipping-

6 minutes until the weekend. Praise God.