Thoughts while Traveling

Although we missed our families terribly this Thanksgiving, we couldn't have been more blessed in the company we found ourselves in. A plethora of cultures, extended family, and walks of life. There were new friendships formed and strengthened, providential meetings that could only have been orchestrated by God, family relationships clearly being restored, sincere and tearful expressions of gratitude, and last but not least, the dueling turkeys.












Good times. Wish we had taken more pictures. We have much to be thankful for this November. I can't even put into words right now all that has happened this past week. I am overwhelmed with God's...interest and love for me. I almost cannot believe it, but I can see His hand so clearly. He doesn't give up on us, even when we start to give up on ourselves.

Overwhelmed by grace...again.

I sure wish we could send some of this rain down to Atlanta.

My faith is being tested. As much as I was prepared to fight unemployment and had "all my ducks in a row", life always throws curve balls. I know people have it a lot worse than me, I simply haven't worked in 2 and a half days and am panicking. The job that was in the bag is now floating again in the universe up for grabs. Although I want desperately to scream "I am the one for the job!" ....reality as a servant of Christ is.. maybe I am not. If I gave that situation to God and left it there, then who am I to go and pick up ownership again? I cannot.

The restlessness of waiting is hard for me. The last 2 days have been quiet. I can appreciate that as a gift. Thankfully, the agency came through and placed me in a menial receptionist job for the day at the last minute. So I threw on some mascara and dashed out to sit here all day, but at least get paid. Hence the blogging on the rainy day in Brooklyn while at work. The manager keeps telling me to read a book, as I will be bored. Right now bored is not the sentiment, I am thankful.

I found myself panicking this morning when there was no work. That lasted about 5 minutes. I allowed myself 5 minutes of self pity.I know where to go. I know who to turn to. Not my emotions, that are as fickle as the R train. Last night at Bible study we talked about our time communing with God, and stopping to pray when we have the inkling, instead of adding it to our daily "to-do" list. That discussion was fresh on my heart, thankfully. I spent some time with God and prayed. That led to listening to the worship music for this coming Sunday. {Explanation: Justin and I have joined the worship team at our church. I am having to learn some of the newer worship tunes out there, as we have been out of that arena for a few years.} That to say, I was lying on the floor with Theo singing my heart out, repeating these words:

Oh no, you never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, you never let go
Through every high and every low
oh no, you never let go,
Lord, you never let go of me...

And in the midst of surrendering, the phone rang. Enough said. Thanks.

I do have much to be thankful for.

The adventures of temping continue...as I wait on you, Father. Your grace is all I need.

I know. I keep changing the page. I think I have too much fun playing with it. As well as a tad too much time on my hands.

Ever fickle in blogger land.

There are times in life when I feel like the purpose of my existence is to defy symmetry, to color wildly outside the lines, and to remove boundaries. Now, I don't always operate this way, just ask my husband who lives with me and gets a huge *** sigh *** from my direction when his coat is not hanging up on the hook... where his coat GOES, I might add. In my personal space, I prefer "organized" madness. The madness still exist, but it has a home. It is when I am in the spaces of others, organized "others" in particular, that I desire to splash some color around all the white and take some sandpaper to the sharp 90 degree angles.

This week the aforementioned rebellious spirit is screaming to get out as I find myself trapped in a white box. I am assisting 4 architects. Architects, I am learning, are incredibly -beyond incredibly... meticulous. (My immediate observation is OCD overload, although that seemed a bit harsh and judgemental.) I am not here to diagnose, just assist. Never have I felt like such a minority. I long to run to exile island for lunch. Question for my only architect type friend, Matt: are you ALL like this? I suppose you have to be to some extent. I get it. I don't have to like it, but I get it.

What comes to mind is a little saying I learned in elementary school. I have a vague memory of my sister and I driving our mother insane repeating this over and over with different voice inflections and voices over and over and over in the back of a mini van. Booth in the middle, reciting the Christmas story.

Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a rubber room. I died in that rubber room. They buried me deep, deep down, with all the worms and bugs. Bugs? I hate bugs. They make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once... (and so on)

Different strokes, man. I need to get back quickly to the land of the crazies. The white box is making me see double.

Went and saw a new friend play on Friday night. Great guy, unique voice, quite a songwriter, as unashamed as they come. Check out Zach at www.zachwilliams.com

My co-workers just presented me with a lovely card saying goodbye. That was nice.
My last day in student loans. Can't say I am bummed about that. On to new things, as always! I had an interview last night that went swimmingly! Pending a background check, I believe I am in. That feels good. If I do get the job, I am told by the agency that found me the job that I will get every Jewish holiday off. That's just amazingly sweet. Anyone have any plans for Hannukah?

Update on the eye twitch. The bugger lasted for a good 31 hours straight, but was gone when I woke up this morning. It was unfortunately replaced with a headache, but hey, progress is progress.

I just ordered all of my groceries online and they will be delievered to my house between 3 and 5 tommorow. God, I love New York. My favorite part of the experience, (other than walking 10 blocks) was this exerpt of the confirmation email:

You'll know your order has arrived when a uniformed FreshDirect delivery person appears at your door bearing boxes of fresh food.

It's the little things.

I am beginning to feel a freedom in my soul that I haven't felt in a long time. When my circumstances are very unsettled I deal with some intense anxiety at times. This week has been one of those times. But as I am working on the discipline of "taking every thought captive to Jesus" my load lightens with each step. I am longing and desiring to do so when times are settled and easy, instead of only when my heart is in turmoil. Swelling in my heart since yesterday, is a song! Do you know how long it has been since I have had a song in my heart?? Not just in my mind, but seeping into me, penetrating my emptiness and my soul? These words contain my story. They comfort me, they convict me, they fill me with peace and with hope, they connect me to my Maker. Thank you, my Father.

When peace like a river attendeth my way.
When sorrow like sea billows roll.
Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say,
"It is well, it is well, with my soul".

My sin oh the bliss of this glorious thought.
My sin not in part but the whole
Are nailed to that cross and I'll bear them no more!
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul!!

It is well (It is well)
With my soul (with my soul).
It is well, it is well with my soul.

And Lord please haste the day
When my faith shall be sight.
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll.
The trump shall resound
And the Lord shall descend!
Even so, it is well with my soul.