Thoughts while Traveling

It is a true statement that the more sleep you get, the more tired you are and vice versa. I have been working both of my jobs now simultaneously (sorta) for about a month now, and even though my zzzzzzzz's intake has lowered considerably, my body is getting accustomed. I don't have to have little pep rallies for myself in the car from one job to the other anymore.I just go! I am just happy about that right now for some reason.

I watched the last two episodes of "Everwood" on way to dream land (although Justin, you win the bizzare dream award this time, baby) because my husband lovingly and religiously tapes it for us. I love that show. It is so well written and (for the most part) acted. Very thought provoking issues. Good show, good show.

So...got a letter in the post yesterday informing me that I was not offered a position at the Opera Institute. And some other futile words about the "high volume of interest in the program this year....blah blah blah"

Is that supposed to make me feel better? Yet another reminder that sopranos are dime a dozen?

It doesn't.

However, quite honestly, I did the best I could at the time, fully aware of my present limitations as a singer...and more importantly I laid the entire situation down at the feet of Jesus ...and for now the door has been closed.

A bit disheartening, I must admit. Even though I have been bracing myself for defeat for a while.

But is it really defeat? I wasn't and still am not convinced that pursuing opera is the answer for me. I don't know if there IS an answer for me. On the other hand I don't believe that my God has created me with passions and gifts to flounder around in them for the remainder of my life in a constant search. There are different angles to look at this from. The majority of my being wishes that God would place a burning bush in my path and show me exactly. And I would go. anywhere. the fact that this is not happening has the potential to bring me to a point of discontentment. But as someone (much older than me) reminded me of this morning was the adventure of a life following Christ.

_adventure__ 1. an undertaking involving danger and unknown risks.
2. an exciting or remarkable experience

maybe it's not defeat at all. What's on the horizon. Lord Jesus, lover of my soul....please guide me. And my husband. Show us, Lord. Wherever, whatever...the hardest part is WHENEVER....

whenever, God.

I am battling a cold. For a few days there, I was losing... or more accurately, getting my arse whupped. "Whupped," what a southern term. Notice that I did try to validate it as an acceptable word by adding the "h" after the "w." Because "whipped" is a proper word- I don't know that "whupped" is. Proper diction aside, I have a cold. I also have a wife for whom I feel sorry for. We, being married and on good terms, share a bed. And while I hope I don't make her ill as well, I was very much aware that she was in the bed with me last night. Not in the annoying "move over I need more room" kind of aware- but the good appreciative aware. I was very much aware that I was not alone. Being sick can be one of the inexplicably loneliest times one can experience. Maybe it's because no one knows exactly how you feel. Maybe it's because when we were young, hopefully someone cared for you when you were sick. Then, as we grow ... let's say older not up, you have to go it alone. You have to heal thineself- which always takes longer.

All in all- I was very glad to not be alone.

And then I had a dream where my wife and I were having an intimate moment but had to stop because there were Nazis in the yard and my wife had to go kill them herself because I was still sick. I gave her my rifle and she was off. Unafraid, I might add. She was up as if going to do some nagging task. As one would go if they forgot to turn the thermostat down before bed. That's my nazi-killing girl!

Maybe my sibling is right, Justin is an unfortunate, misguided soul. I got him to marry me, didn't I? Sarah, my dear, don't shed any more light on the subject, O fount of knowledge. I like him that way...

Tylenol PM hangover. Should have just tipped the bottle instead..Could have been an exciting time. Instead my evening kicks and giggles consisted of numbing my mind with the finale of "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance". Hey, there is a thought. Maybe if I was drunk it would have made sense. Wonder if anybody else thinks the ridiculousness of it all turned into a SAD reality? Maybe for the first time EVER , "reality TV" showed the truth? Far fetched, but possible. The truth unveiled is this: Money makes the world go round. There you go, the moral in all it's glory. But wait, let's first coat the entire thing with a thick layer of marshmallow cream and tears and deceive ourselves into thinking we are witnessing a display of a "strong loving family" that can make it through anything. Right.

I would much rather watch a marathon of the Real World for 24 hours straight, and live vicariously through the constant stream of dysfuctional lives that pass through the MTV waves.

I will gladly take honest dysfunction over blurred deception any day or hour.

Mountain Dew only goes so far in the quest for alertness.

To my dearest sister who is thinking that her Christian theology exam score could be a representation of her mediocrity or the illusion of this word, just be assured right now that you are wrong. God has made you an incredibly intelligent and talented woman. I just pray right now, (whether you ever read this or not) that today you will find rest in that truth. hakuna matata, my little perfectionist. It matters not even a tenth of what God wants to show today about Himself.

Hmmm... my horoscope says I'll need to walk on eggshells for the next few weeks. Is that connected to the cold shower incident.
May I take this time to say that I think our hot water heater is way too small for us? I would also like to point out that it is extremely inconsistent. I spit on our hot water heater and those who fashioned it! Ptooey.

Man, accidentally using up all the hot water before your wife takes a shower is enough to want to pull out all of your own hair with a pair of tweezers.

sorry, dear sweet one.

man, a cold shower when you went in for a hot one is enough to make one want to pull ones husband's hair out one by one with tweezers.

I am not into astrological signs and such. However, I occasionaly browse my horoscope for amusement purposes alone. Usually the brief encounter leaves me rolling my eyes and nothing more. This morning, believe it or not, I perhaps gleaned a bit of wisdom from this usually futile activity??

SOME DETAILS AREN'T WORTH MENTIONING. PRIVILEDGED INFORMATION IS TOO VALUABLE TO BE USED FOR CHEAP AMMUNITION.

hMMM. mAYBE TrUTH hAs PREsEnTED ITSELf IN uNLIKELy fORm tODaY?

HE MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL, IN HIS TIME...
even the ugliest of things. and I have some ugly things...things I quite frankly never thought could even approach being a candidate for that word. And yet, here I am on this bleak Monday morning considering the tiniest spark of possibility. Magnificent revelation.

In an attempt at making a step towards that elusive place called "in shape," I woke up early this morning and ran. Well... ran then jogged then walked and jogged when cars were approaching. Good thing it was 5:10 in the AM and not many cars were about.
Why does the body age? I married a wonderful woman who feels that we have much time left. I and my aching knee feel otherwise. And why my knee? It's such a cliche... "first the knees go..." Load o'crap.
Speaking of my wonderful woman, when I came in from my run/jog/walk, I sort of tried to be quiet- but wasn't sorry when I made noise. I think I just wanted her to be up with me. hehe. Payback can be a canine of the female persuasion.
I worry that we start getting old when we stop growing. I need to work on my growth. I can better myself into not growing old. I'll never have it all figured out. But I won't stop trying.

"Forgiveness sets others FREE from our judgement and sets us FREE from bitterness and anger." -Gloria Chisholm

How true is this? This quote keeps rattling around in my brain...or maybe my heart. FREEDOM. FREEDOM. The word itself holds so much power.

Why do we always tell ourselves that because there is no validation of wrongs done that we can't move through the pain?

"Would it have been easier for Jesus to forgive those who crucified him if one of the roman soldiers had stopped by the foot of the cross on his way to water the horses to say, 'oh, by the way, sorry we put you up there?"
-GC

Constant struggle.

new thought.
Iam married to a lovely, lovely man.

I make these next two statements in hopes that my sister-in-law will read them:

The New York Yankees are awesome.
The French language is awesome.

There aren't many sure things in life- but add these to your list.

justin needs to stop chewing...on his nails. i wish he would. he sounds like a squirrell gnawing away at my right eardrum.