Thoughts while Traveling

I realize that I have made the choice to breathe shallow. As not to feel as alive as I really am. It's easier to take in short and quiet air in while sitting and waiting. Wondering if life is ending, or is it, in fact, just moving in waves like it always has? Out with the old, in with the new. And all the rest of us, in between, riding it out, back and forth, side to side, in rhythm with the tide. I would rather learn how to surf.

Family...it is what matters. And yet, family seems to be the one of the hardest challenges we face. Family seems to come together in crisis and really care, even for a brief moment..there is true concern and appreciation for one another. How often does that really stick? I have wondered this often.

I have a lot of questions and therefore I ask alot of questions. That's me. My dad always used to comment to everyone about my "need to know" personality. "She just needs to know what's happening every second, she has always been like that." What that means I do not know. Ironic. WHY is a word I will always want answered. Maybe that's why God has allowed to experience so many unanswered questions...to teach me that I cannot know everything. If I did I would ruin the painting. Smear it. Smudge it. Perhaps I am to learn much more about faith. There is no "perhaps" about it. This is true. I want to learn...and yet I realize the pruning process can be painful and rough. What it takes to become smooth is quite a storm overhead, blowing around and creating erosion, which evens out the jagged parts.

My prayers are not futile, although they seem it sometimes. Jesus...

Jack. Son. Brother. Father.Grandfather. Great-grandfather.

Nicole. Break. Soften. USE.

Grief. Sadness. Tears. Miles. Oceans. HAND. PLAN. REDEMPTION.SALVATION. COMFORT. PEACE. WHOLENESS. BUILD. JESUS...

So much for the inclimate weather that was supposed to allow me to stay in my warm bed today. Instead, here I am, on this freezing Monday morning in my cubicle again. At least it's warm in here. I had no idea that life next to the beach could get so cold. High is 30 today, and it the wind chill is in the single digits. That would be 1-9. Yikes.

Christmas is almost here. I can't believe it. The year has literally flown by. I suppose one says that more and more as one grows older and older...it's like a perpetually accelerating downhill bike-ride.
We watched the TRAVEL channel for a bit last night. It was a special on the "Wonders of Hawaii." We gazed longingly at pictures of "the road to Hana", and Lahaina Beach, which we were able to experience in Maui on our honeymoon. Wow. God is so creative. Hawaii must be where He takes vacation. A breather. :) I have been convinced that Africa is where God lives, and he plays the cello there.Hawaii is definitely where he digs his massive feet in the sand and drinks a pina colada. And yes, silliness comes very natural to me, in case those of you who don't know me well are wondering and scratching your little heads...

It's that time of morning.

Coffee. Enough of the early morning sleepy musings.

Adios.

I don't understand them. The disgust. Even anger. Who wants to live a sterile life?
Maybe its me. Not that I live in filth or have total disregard for germs...but I don't understand the fixation on them. It's not like we can make them go away...

Anwyay, I AM DONE WITH THE SEMESTER!!!! Thank you Lord, for seeing me through. The next week or so is filled with unlimited possibilities...I don't remember the last time I was so excited. And I actually get to go on a date with my husband tonight. I feel like a tenneager again. I am so excited.

Sometimes it's the small things in life. Don't take for granted the small things. I hope I can learn to do this more often.

Dreams by Langston Hughes

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

Call for snow flurries tonight- 10 minutes from the beach. I thought this was something only Canadians dealt with.
Well, it has been awhile since either of us have posted- and since Anna is understandably positively knackered (as the limeys say) I will blog a little blog so that no one thinks us dead. We simply haven't had the time. It's been a whirlwind week-and-a-half. Through the performance of Much Ado about Nothing, Anna climbed the ranks from peon "costume girl" to accepted member of the middle class. Bravo, honey. We braved two back-to-back weekends of auditions for three different shows... incidentally Anna and I will both be performing in the upcoming Regent production of Guys and Dolls. (Is there no way escape that blasted Salvation Army uniform?!? The irony is quite disgusting.) For this we are excited.
Without getting too personal or telling tales out of school, let me just say that we definitely got to see why couples in the same field have such a difficult time. Both of us preparing monologues, songs, and even dance audition combos made for a very volatile environment. God Himself, and Him alone saw us through it, and we definitely learned a lot about the challenges specific to our calling. All in all, I feel it really solidified us in both our relationship and our passions in ways we have just begun to see.
Burt and Loni, if I ever judged you, I'm sorry.
Tonight was the third and final Wednesday I spent with some of the local Lutherans in their advent service. Let me just say that I will forever be a supporter of multi-denominational gatherings. We have so much to learn from each other. Especially given our tendency to become complacent with that which is familiar. I've really enjoyed celebrating advent this year. At first it made me miss Christmastime in the town where I grew up- but tonight I realized that from here on out, home is where I am. I felt so much a part of something these last few weeks, and it really helped me to prepare for my all-time favourite most beautiful joyous time of the year. Tomorrow, I will start a heavy rotation of Christmas music- starting with John Denver and The Muppets. I would like to work the Nutcracker Suite in there, but when you marry someone who used to room with two ballet dancers, you have to do so sparingly and possibly by yourself as not to induce vomiting.
And so, life is not merely moving, but it is doing so in a direction and it feels great. Scary, as neither of us feels that we're steering- but that is as it should be. I think we're just supposed to be learning how to row and row well.
I can hear the wind blowing.
I can see Christmas lights all down our block from our window.
I can feel the heat from the radiator.
I can bet that I will need to gently move Anna's leg over off of my side of the bed.
I can expect to get lost in sleep under the covers.
I can say with certainty that God is good.
Serenity of this kind is unfathomable and outlawed by cynics- I'm glad I don't live there anymore.

Ok, so I work with a woman who has no arms and no legs. She sends me over 20 emails a day and makes numerous phone calls each day as well. She is an admissions counselor and does her job well. With no arms and no legs. She types with a pencil in her mouth. And she types faster than me. With her mouth. Just trying to give you the mental picture of what I just saw as I left her office.

Then I think of my arms and my legs. What are my handicaps that I moan and groan about? What are the "debilitating" issues in my life that keep me from getting things done?
And I am left...
speechless.