Thoughts while Traveling

ask and you shall receive...sometimes that all it takes. I just need to take one second and lift up my praise to my Father who is always faithful. Thank you...

To create something COMPELTELY original and "new under the sun" is impossible~ so goes the saying. However, I speak as one called to create NOT my own orginal work~ in fact, exactly the opposite. To be a paintbrush, an instrument ~ for my Creator to use. I have been contemplating this lately and have been aided along in the process by one of my amazingly anointed professors as well as my amazingly anointed friends, Phil and Marty. Oh yeah, and my (amazingly anointed??) coffeepot. Wait..before you roll your eyes and click away...

Phil's updated web page talks about this very topic. About being an instrument, NOT (and feel free to add an uppety British accent and a broad gesture here) an "ARTIST." Exactly.

There is a lyric to one of Marty's recent songs that says, (forgive me, darling, if I paraphrase it a tiny bit)

"..what can I say that hasn't already been said...there are no words left to discover, beside you O lord, there is no other..."

And, in class we have been discussing Nehemiah and learning from this story a heck of alot about being vulnerable, transparent, teachable, etc. Gil talks alot about how we need to be constantly taking it all in. As an artist, we must be pouring information into our brains on a regular basis and letting the good stuff filter down to where it needs to go. He lives this out by example~ the man spends 2 hours a day in Barnes and Noble, reading at least one book a week. Becoming more and more stimulated and...inspired. I will add to this that the "good stuff" will take root in our souls so that we may be finely tuned instruments...have you ever heard an out of tune flute, or worse, a cello? Yuck...talk about your teeth hurting. It might as well be replaced with a long fingernail scratching a blackboard. In contrast, however, there is nothing more beautiful than a finely tuned cello piece. Close your eyes and listen...and you will see a deep, lush purple that is better than any drug-induced high. (As for the flute, I hope they don't exist in heaven...they always sound like ice picks to the skull to me~but that's a personal preference issue.)

Now, on to my inspired coffeemaker, which has become a very close friend and comrade in the recent days of weariness. I have (embarassingly), on several occasions, been so asleep that I have forgotten to dump the old grounds out of the filter before attempting to brew a pot of coffee. Alas, what becomes of of my much anticipated cup-of-joe? It looks more like ginger ale than coffee and taste even more horrific. Again, on the flip-side of that is when I AM alert enough to follow the standard procedure of brewing, the desirable sweet aroma that I have hoped for is tantilizing and it starts my morning (or evening) off on a lovely note.

The point is, I have been staring at this machine and realizing that I could easily be producing a watered-down, ginger ale looking product in my life. It's a debiltating temptation to allow this to happen, in fact. And I will go as far as to say that this is sadly what the world expects. For when something TRUE and eternally inspired is presented, we all stand in amazement and almost can't believe it.

What am I putting in my head and my heart? If I am allowing nothing new to enter from the top, how can anything of worth filter down into my soul to be used as an instrument? Am I using recycled coffee grounds?

Are you?

"Uh, I don't know, I don't know. Um, it's a hard grape to grow, as you know. Right? It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet. " ~ Sideways

Non-stop. No time to stop and think about the the small things, like eating and sleeping, much less the big things... like what my family is going through (again) this weekend. I wish I could be there. Sarah, is it that we actually stop feeling, or is this just a part of life - accepting death as it comes, whether in long and laborious battles or even those that are so quick you blink and someone's gone in a snap? I wonder that often. After so many times it becomes alot easier to accept...and you just keep moving. Prayers for all of you...comfort and peace that passes all understanding. Peace...

Boys~ (you know who you are)...thanks. I can't tell you how much of a blessing being able to spend some time with you again meant to us. We love you and you will always be our family. God did that.

ps. Phil, if you ever do that to me again, I will never come to hear you play ~ but the thought was appreciated. Here's to making awkward memories!

Back to rehearsal. adios.

There is a line from RENT that I think about from time to time. Roger refers to Mark as longing for a community of his own. I really connect with that. That may be why I've always wanted to play Mark- one of the reasons anyway. One of the blessings of God bringing us to Norfolk/Va Beach/Regent/Regent Theatre- is that He brought us to a community of our own. I hope that doesn't offend anyone. If it does, I'm sorry; if it doesn't, great; if you don't see why it would, even better. There is a lot of growth that is happening because we are spending time in a community that embodies our passions and is made up of people surveying the same horizon. Sometimes different parts of the horizon- but that's how it works. Anyway, it's just been really refreshing.
Last friday night, six of us went out after rehearsal. Anna was the only XX chromosome present, but she was no stranger to that given our QP3 days.
We started talking over the noise and ended up having a really good discussion about how it all fits together and how things are related: our calling, our art, our faith, our witness, our relationships, our purpose, our pitfalls, our dangers, our accountability... well, we had a lengthy discussion. And we all have come from different places and have different experiences and different struggles and different scars and different perspectives- but that's one of the things that I am learning (because at times it can be so frustrating) to love about The Body. Christ died for all out of love for all- so the more of "all" we come to understand, the better equipped we will be to effectively minister to them in time. We talked about how we really should be learning how to form relationships with nonbelievers and communicate with those that some Christians are afraid to address- because our field, the theatre, is largely full of "queers, sluts, druggies, and atheists." Not to mention full of people who enjoy spelling theatre with the pretentious english "re" ending rather than the red-blooded american "er" ending.
Our friend Frank hit the nail on the head by pointing out that in order to be effective- we must be different. There must be something so different about us that it would compel others to ask. This really pinged my radar. For crying out loud, I was in a band that got its very namesake from 1 Peter 3:15- but I missed a KEY part of the verse. Be prepared to give an answer when PEOPLE ASK you the reason for the hope that you have! Someone asking you involves an existing question- meaning that they don't understand. This implies that we are living in such a way that it is PUZZLING, MIND-BOGGLING, INCOMPREHENSIBLE to the average onlooker that they are so compelled to ask you about your hope!
Due to recent events within the department and happenings in the current show that I won't go into here, the conversation dabbled a bit on our difference stemming from what we won't do, or what we abstain from to set us apart. But something tells me that it extends so much further than that! Because some of those things don't make you different. That will not be what sets you apart to the point that a peer will be so dumb-founded that he or she MUST know exactly what the hell is going on. So what will?
The theatre is a very "me" oriented realm. MY role, MY blocking, MY costume better make ME look good, MY time on stage, MY star on the door, MY billing, MY order in the curtain call, don't step on MY lines, don't drop MY cues, what's MY motivation, don't upstage ME, MY part is too small, MY, MY, MY, ME, ME, ME. It goes on. Now some of these are functional. You do have a role to play and therefore your lines are important and you will need to focus on your part. But the problem is that we are such "me" oriented creatures, that which is necessary spills over into the over-indulgent. This is theatre. So what about us will be different?
Of course, we find the example in Christ. What comes to mind is, I feel, one of the most profound lessons Jesus ever taught- the washing of the feet. That single act gave such an overwhelming example of what an attitude of love should be. The Christ, the Son of God, the purest and greatest of all carrying out a servant's task. And the disciples were beside themselves. It was weird. It was unnerving. It was unheard of. Why? Because it goes against every strand of humanity within us. It is the nails across the chalkboard of the flesh. SERVE!
Do we want to truly stand out as performers? Let's not be divas. We'll be servants. THAT'S what's unheard of now. THAT will stick out. THAT will leave your peers dumb-founded. THAT will compel others to ask you about the hope that you have.
And it could be worldwide.
Imagine what the aftermath would be of leagues upon leagues of millions upon billions of people suddenly disinterested in the "self."
Imagine how unnerved the unbelieving population would feel to suddenly find that their feet were being washed by "those dumb christians"... and they seem to be enjoying it.
Imagine if evangelism became less of going out into the field, and more about fielding questions.

...that basically sums up yesterday. Well, at least my 3 hour long quality time at the dentist office. Can you believe I cried in the middle of the drilling? I did, which of course scored me some more novocaine.Which of course bruised my mouth considerably and I am paying for now. Speaking of paying, that horrible and painful experience costs us $500.00. Yikes. I would rather have had a root canal. They are cheaper. Which is the lesser evil? My answer depends on the moment, I suppose.Ick.

What a week. I am so grateful to be in school, however the upcoming summer is looking like heaven on earth right now. To be able to sleep more than 5 hours a night...oh, sweet summer. "Guys and Dolls" opening is quickly approaching, as are finals. Strength for the weary...one day at a time. This is the first time Justin and I have been on the same stage in a show, and it is such a blessing to be able to work together. I love that.

Transparency. I have recently had several conversations about what that means to us that call ourselves sons and daughters of God.What does that mean to you? Being vulnerable is a hard thing sometimes...and that icky monster called Insecurity (middle name PRIDE) rears it's ugly head clothed as something else, depending on the stage it has found itself on. I long to remain transparent, and have to remain on my knees to do so.

I am having dejavu right now, thinking that I have probably written these very words before...if I have, that goes to show..something. It's a constant learning process, this faith thing.

adios.

Wow. I know this post is a little late- but I had to process my feelings. After a few years of upsetting seasons and tournament performance, my Tar Heels pulled it off.

This makes me happier than you could imagine or than I can understand. Needless to say, I went absolutely nuts when they won. I was really glad that I could unapologetically disrupt someone's rehearsal and share the celebration with my wife. I also enjoyed sharing the experience with my parents over the phone. They live in a vast land devoid of teams as pure as North Carolina. A place they call "Texas." Dad may hold up those infernal horns during football season as he pleases- but come March, I know where his heart is.

And so many people told me it wasn't going to happen for them.

What a game.

And so I will relish these moments and as they die down- the Yankees will pick them back up midseason and carry me through the end of the year!

http://www.glumbert.com/media/dancewhiteboy.html

Happy April!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BABY SISTER!

My old friend Clay is moving to Norfolk! I can't wait for the good times to roll again!

Dad pulled a mad April fools joke on me...and another one on mom, I think something is happening in his old age...and I love it!

I, in turn, got Justin pretty good as well. It's not easy to pull a fast one on him, I tell ya. I think he turned a very light green for a second.

It's hard to believe that I have 4 weeks left until my first year of grad school is finished. Crazy.Insane.

Spring is in the air. I love spring. The weather is holding on to winter with a tight grip, but the birds are chirping, and that in itself puts a little pep in my step. I can't wait to plant some flowers.

Justin and I were remembering (not commiserating) this morning back to the beginning of our marriage and were brought once again to the realization that God had done a miraculous work in both of us and has blessed us so very much. It's only been (almost) 2 years, but all that has happened...wow. It's all about faith and obedience, even when those steps seem scary as hell. And there were those moments, and some of them were long moments. It's the pruning process. It's beautiful when you can sit back and appreciate the hard times and at the same time looking forward with exciting anticipation. Thank you, Jesus.

I am still learning (with a vengeance) that "to whom much is given. much is required." Walking in the Spirit through everything.

Time management is not up to me. It's about surrendering my time to the Lord and allowing Him to accomplish in a day what He will. When I try to follow MY T0-DO-LIST, I miss out in a big way.

It's about relationships. Everything else will get done. When I am not in control.

The mighty mighty Tar Heels are going to the championship ladies and gentlemen!!!

And there was, throughout the land, great rejoicing!