Thoughts while Traveling

When you read someone's blog you have remember that what you are reading is not the big picture...the whole story. Most of the time it's a moment, a snapshot into someone's personal space. Possibly into their soul.I like reading people's thoughts. You get to know them a bit better that way. Most of us don't communicate as well as we would like face to face. I know I don't.

I have tended to be one to invade (or try at least) other's personal space. Not because I am necessarily a "nosy" person or a busybody, but because I want to KNOW who that particular person IS...deep down. Now, this practice is not always welcomed, received, or reciprocated... alas, I give it a go and hope for the best. And finding the right way to do it is an art I hope to come a bit closer to perfecting before my time on earth is done. Most people are not open books. I have come to realize this the hard way...and I have also learned that I can't be an "open book" myself all the time and with all people. I think that's sad. It makes me sad to think about. Does anybody know what I mean? Oh, to live in a world where people were who they said they were...

I noticed something yesterday that was a shocking revelation. I was smiling alot. Justin, have you noticed this change? Maybe it happened a while ago...I don't know. But I felt my face in a smile, realized I was doing it alot, and was filled with joy. The REAL JOY. Maybe I have come further than I thought I had...I love you, Justin. You make me smile.

Visiting places from your past can be unnerving. Especially places that hold significant meaning to you...yet they don't hold you anymore. You have grown and the place has stayed the same. So it turns out to be not nearly as difficult to face than you thought it would be, and instead of the expected fear and reverence, you are instead left with surprising indifference.

And the unknown future ahead almost makes you want to hyperventilate at this particular moment. Were we hasty? Should we have waited a little longer? Are our expectations too high? It's too late now to renig. We are driving off onto the open road in two days and it's a one way trip.

Lord, only you can bring peace back. The moment will pass, and I will be reminded once again that I am not alone and I am not my own.

Every so often you come face to face with the bigger picture. The larger scale. The deeper meaning. Something that you had no way of knowing before but understand completely afterward. Hindsight really and truly is 20/20. Whoever came up with that little phrase was a wise human. I love these moments in life. Partly because I am a "need to know" person and like to understand.Regardless of why, I love the clarity that these moments bring. Thanks, God, for the one this morning.

THE HIGH COST OF SAYING "NO" TO GOD

"The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion, and sin..." Exodus 34:6,7



God's assignment for you is likely to be out of your COMFORT ZONE, beyond your CAPABILITIES, and require a stretch of your FAITH.

The OPINIONS of men are no match for the TRUTH of God's word.

You will ALWAYS pay a price when you walk away from what God asks you to do.

You can RUN away from God without running anywhere, just by REFUSING to do what you know is right.

Our choices always carry consequences that IMPACT those who are in the boat with us.

OUR storm becomes THEIR storm.

let the DARK places bring you to a point of SURRENDER and restoration.
~they may actually be a part of God's DELIVERANCE for you.


magnificent results happen when we COOPERATE with God.

God will go to ANY LENGTH to reach the lost . He is not willing that any should perish.

God will orchestrate situations in your life to EXPOSE your heart and test your motives.


"...for the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, He will be found by you but if you forsake Him, he will reject you forever." I Chronicles 28:9

Let your concerns be what concerns The HEART OF GOD. Let your mission be GOD'S MISSION for you.Let your "rights" be SURRENDERED to his love for the lost and determine to say "YES, Lord, to every word of instruction He brings.

"Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there;if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say,'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me', even the darkness will be light to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is light to you...

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 139


~Pastor JoAnn Blackmon, GCC May 23

V-Dog is in Kenya. Pray for him today. I can close my eyes and see images that he may be seeing. I can smell the scent that may be passing his nostrils. I can feel the dust on my skin and feel the little fingers wrapped around mine...that place is holding my heart oceans away. One day...

WHEN THE SKIES REFUSE TO OPEN

Will it just rain already? The weatherman has said all week that showers are likely...and yet unlikely they seem to be. I had some not very nice people at a few of my tables last night at work. Simultaneously. I was on the patio and I secretly said a prayer to God to rain on them and their food! Shame, shame, shame on me. I got what I deserved. Wind but no rain that blew napkins all over and a constant pressure in my head that only the rain can relieve. Evil thoughts produce no fruit. There's my lesson for the day. Or yesterday. I am sure that I will do something else evil and/or stupid today that I will glean more wisdom from. I'll keep you posted. (no pun intended...I am hilarious)

Lord, you know the conversation we had in the wee hours this morning. I just want to proclaim again right now that YOU HAVE NEVER FAILED ME YET and I give you my mustard seed yet another time...your word says that "a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind."(James 1:6) I know a person like that should not expect anything from the Lord. I give you any doubts, Lord, and I trust you that you will come through with an answer.
I stand (and wobble a bit) in my faith in YOU believing...

Reading Sarah's blog has just drained me emotionally for the day. I am done. That's weird, I know, but I can't help but feel where she is. Wow. What's scary is that I either know all she is ranting about (or have known in the past) and don't even presume to have a response. But that's the great thing about blogs, isn't it? You don't have to respond or wait for one. It's just there. Whatever your world consists of at that moment is just there. I said I didn't have a response. Except maybe one thought. I am older and not much wiser...we all know...and I am considered by our mother the "flaky" one in the family...but looks can be deceiving. More on that later (maybe). Anyways, Sarah, I do know this. As you continue to let go and look forward and grasp your own personal destiny it gets easier to actually MEAN it when you say it doesn't bother you anymore. It's like the tangled trap slowly but surely unravels and you one day wake up one day and feel limber again. Free. I don't know. What do I know? Not much at all. I am free, though. Finally. I love you, Sarah.

BECOMING PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN GOD'S PRESENCE

"This is what God wants most from you: a RELATIONSHIP! God deeply loves you and desires your love in return. He longs for you to know Him and spend time with him. he delights in you! Building a relationship with God, and learning to love and be loved by Him should be the greatest objective of your life. Nothing else even comes close in importance." Rick Warren

GOD'S INVITATION

1. Matthew 11:28
"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

2. John 15:4
"Remain in me and I will remain in you."

3. I Thess. 5:17
"Pray continually;"

4. Psalm 37:4
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

BENEFITS OF BEING PRESENCE PEOPLE:

* PURPOSE -Acts 17:28
"for in Him we live and move and have air..."

* DIRECTION -Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart..."

* JOY - Psalm 16:11
"You have made known to me the path of life..."

* PROVISION - Psalm 37:3-4
"Trust in the Lord and do good..."

* SAFETY -Psalm 62: 1-2
"I wait quietly before God...He alone is my rock and my salvation,my fortress where I will never be be shaken."

* REST - Matthew 11:28-29
"Come unto me.."

*FRUITFULNESS - John 15:4-5
"Remain in me and I will remain in you."


HOW TO BECOME PRESENCE PEOPLE:

* make a decision
*Schedule regular hang out time with God
*Seize still moments
*Plant reminders
*Open your life to someone to encourage you and hold you accountable

GCC- Sun. May 16 - Pastor Farrell

Anna and I were packing last yesterday. It was an interesting feeling. It's our first big move together- or it feels that way anyway. I wish I could hire someone to document this for us. I regret that we don't have many pictures of our first year together. I always pictured mounds of pictures of boxes and pasking tape with me in a t-shirt and shorts and my yankees cap, Anna in cut-off shorts and a tanktop with her hair pulled back with a bandana on. Play Neil Simon's "Kodachrome" in your head when you picture this. Actually, I think that's what I want- yellowed photos and super-8 video clips of the event. Maybe we should've met and lived in the 60's. The more advanced technology gets, the older I want things to look. But at least technology is advanced enough to let you make things look older- but that's just cheating.

Hopefully we will do a better job of documenting our lives from now on. It's kind of cheesy- but I love looking at my grandparents' photos. I feel like I know where I come from and what parts of me are inherited. I just hope none of my descendants have my testosterone levels.

It's not that my wife can "take me"... at least not the way she meant. What happens is that some part of her arm will come crashing down on my head whilst I slumber- I will invariably wake, uttering a particular extremity... but I'll look over and see that cute little face nestled in her pillow- and I am at peace. So yes, she can take me... but not the way she meant.

Justin, are you ever going to blog again?

I am seriously hogging the space. Kinda like our double bead that Justin likes to bring up regularly in conversation. So I like boxing in my sleep? Sorry to hear your wife can take you...po-po in training.:)

So I am having dinner with two long lost friends. Like, at least a year of no communication. Why is that un-nerving? Because life takes us through seasons. We get mixed up in our thinking that certain geographical areas or people define that particular season and we are never to return. And because I am in a new season I sometimes feel like a different person. I am not, however. Lord, there is always a purpose. May your will be done and your Spirit flow through good conversation with these lovely girls.

I got flowers today at work from my boss. They are very splendid. I must take them home.

baby I'm afraid you're alot like me
can't help feeling everything
you try and try to hold it in
I see your tears and your trembling chin

for you and myself will pray
that our weakness become our strength

There's some holes that you just can't fill
you try and try but you never will
But I believe in God who can
He loves the boy and He'll love the man

but for you and myself I will pray
that our weakness becomes our strength

for you and myself I will pray
that our weakness becomes our strength
~~~sara groves~~~


i love you.

My computer was HEALED!! It's the little things in life, I tell ya. There's a guy at work that has the gift of healing computers. Gotta love those guys. I am back! That one day vacation left me overflowing with thoughts I longed to release.

God has amazed me again in His provision. I don't want to sound like a broken record which repeats itself relentlessly, but I am in awe of how He works things out. We have taken a huge step of faith in our journey in deciding to pick up and move again. This first year of marriage has been quite the tiring first leg...and yet it has proven to be a solid foundation as we have continued to learn to surrender. Wow. The future is an open book, THE WORLD IS OUR OYSTER! Today the Lord provided a second car for us when we get to Virgina. An unexpected and humbling blessing. Praise you, God. Just as John and Marie prayed with us in church that day, that if this was your will you would work out every single little detail...so far you have proven your awesomeness ten-fold. Lord, help us to be obedient and good stewards of your good gifts.
I love you, Lord.

Ok, so my internet at work is gone. (sniffle)...that is where I had time and access to my friend Blogger and was able to somewhat articulate my thoughts. Now, I am afraid, they will be few and far between. Maybe I will still find a way...

So Sara Groves has a new album out, "The other side of Something." Yet another collection of beautifully written lyrics and fabulous melodies. Her music has really touched the deepest and most personal parts of me, and I think that's cool.God connects spirits even though their physical paths may never cross. There was a bonus CD included which had an interview with her on it. When asked about what the "something" is, she went on to describe an aspect of her personal spiritual journey. She talked about growing up in a church which centered around a Holiness background and emphasis. She struggled so much with her lack of holiness that it threw her into a more grace focused worship environment, where she learned and finally came to believe that God WILL love her no matter what her sins. THEN she became obsessed with her sinful nature and her humanness that she realized there has to be a balance.

A lightbulb of recognition came on in my heart when I heard that. Yes. Wait. That's MY journey! Now, I admit I am just now and recently grasping the last part of her
revelation. When I began to grasp that my God is really and truly a GRACEFUL God, it was the most liberating and freeing experience of my life. I had been living my whole life trying to "live up" to what He called me to, or even what the Godly people around me expected from me. There soon became a incredible lack of freedom and I was suffocating.

God is faithful. He provided an avenue for me to find His grace. Thank you, Lord. I praise you for your provosion over my life.

I confess that I may have gone a bit overboard in excercising this new found freedom. God, take me a little higher.Deeper. Reign my rebellious spirit in to you...

Thanks, Sara...for bringing clarity...

Woke up with a song. love that.

All the Heaven's shout your name
Beautiful is our God
The universe will sing
Allelujah to you, our King

Thank you for another day, my King. Forgive me for my wicked flesh and make me whole and white as snow. You are MY King, and the earth is filled with your Glory.

Be with my amazing husband today as he takes a step of faith and pursue's your will for him. Give him endurance, strength, wisdom, knowledge, and PEACE. Most of all, pour your favor on him as he takes these tests. Justin, I miss you today.
Come home to me!

NEEDY

All my life
Take all of me
I freely give the life I live to you

For your love
The sweetest love
you freely give the life I live in you

Won't you come and take control
I need you (I need you, I need you)
All my life and make me whole
Consume me, I need you
To consume me

All my pride
all my pride and all my shame
cover up with your Blood
and make me clean
If I try to withhold
pry me open, empty out
SET ME FREE!!

Won't you come and take control
I need you (I need you, I need you )
Take my life and make me whole
Consume me
I need you
To consume me


-Marty Mikles 2003
(my friend, I miss singing this with you. This is an amazing song of sacrifice and surrender. I cling to the words and sing the melody often. Thank you, Martin Andrew. I miss you)

HOPE
Elijah, the prophet

I Kings 17

SIGNS OF HOPELESSNESS

1.PANIC ...because you assume the worst

2. QUIT TRYING CLOSED DOORS... because you assume they
won't open.
(persisitence-God is saying "name something that's too
hard for me.)

3. Focus on the PAST and the PRESENT...because you assume
there is no future.

***** if God chose to show me the plan, I would most likely follow
the plan and not HIM******


LESSONS LEARNED

~ If God did not CLOSE THE DOOR, it can still be open.
(Matthew 7:7-8)

~God has not given us the SPIRIT OF A WIDOW, but the spirit
of a BRIDE (Revelation 19:7)

---the best days of your life are ahead---

GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO BE:

** a person of hope**
** a messenger of hope**

(they go together. in being a person of hope, you are also a messenger of hope)

-sermon by Glenn Burris, Jr. GCC May 2-


This sermon really spoke to me. MY GOD IS A RELEVANT GOD!!Lord, today I praise you for that. You are awesome, your timing is awesome. You speak your word and your truth into my life always at the right moment. Thank you for revealing my weaknesses so that in this knowledge I can grow. I have been living my life with the spirit of a widow, and didn't even realize it. Even on my wedding day, I carried the spirit of a widow and not of a bride. I had not let go in order to embrace a new journey. Even coming up on my first wedding anniversary, I possess the remnants of that spirit, in all areas of my life. I relate this with my marriage because it is related. It's all right here. ALL my life. Lord, it's hard to imagine living my life in with a different spirit. I suppose grief and loss have changed me more than I know. It has changed my outlook on everything and my approach to everything, whether I wanted that to happen or not. You, God, are the great Redeemer, the healer, the perfector of my faith. Give me the spirit of a bride, and give me the boldness to ask and believe that the best days of my life are ahead. How can that be? Because I will live as person of hope, and in that, be a messenger of hope. I claim this in your Holy name today, Lord. I know a lot of times I lack this hope and faith. Pour it into me, God, every day. Light the way for me so I can light the way for others. This is a huge prayer for me today, Lord. Bigger my small faith. You are...

WE now have a UHAUL reserved...it's for real. Here we go...
Justin, we have to get to packing, step on the gas pedal,turn up the volume...what? The time is nearing.

I am reading "Shopgirl" by Steve Martin. Thanks, honey, for letting me read it before you. It's good so far, thumbs up.

My sentiments today.

1. Money truly is the root of all evil. The lack of it makes me want to do bad things.

2. I still hate hospitals. I wonder if I will ever be able to dis-associate. It's been over three years and each time I visit a hospital I have flashbacks uninvited. I stood in the restroom at the sink today washing my hands and almost laid on the floor and puked, just like I did then. The wave came over and swallowed me up. My will had nothing to do with it.
And , for the self-induced control freak, that's not good.

3. Is it wrong to prefer my mother's company when she is heavily drugged on narcotics? We actually had a few laughs today. Hey mom, sure you don't want to have a colonoscopy once a week? THAT WAS A JOKE.

4. less than a month till we move. YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!