Thoughts while Traveling

Why am I battling complacency and apathy like never before? I don't seem to
have the fight in me right now. Want to play dead...

after the long talk that began in the mall, climaxed over dinner, and somewhat concluded in the car with Todd...this article follows up the dialogue in a seemingly perfect manner. An excerpt from an editorial in Relevant magazine:


"For three years I didn’t tell anyone about my dream to write music because I was terrified of someone thinking it was stupid. It sounds trivial, I know, (and it is), but when we think we’ve dreamed too big, we expect everyone to tell us where we went wrong. The dangers are clear, so we start to choose a different path, an easier path. One filled with coffee shops and small talk. We become so afraid sometimes that we end up doing nothing. Try and fail or try and succeed. Just don’t abandon your dreams.

If we believe that God gave us these dreams, we have to pursue them without compromising. Despite the danger and despite the risk, we must move forward. Maybe it’s not supposed to be simple and easy. The Israelites had the desert, Jesus had the cross, and Paul had his beatings. Maybe the end result is validated by the battle you took to get there. God is a mystery. I’m not claiming to understand Him or how He moves, but if you honestly believe that something is a godly desire, you need to fight for it—like panning for gold through dirt. If you don’t see how God could be glorified through it, question why you are after it in the first place.

I know I have to play my songs. I have to because if I don’t, I’ll be an old man wondering why I didn’t. I have to at least give it a try. There are risks when you follow your dreams, but there are greater dangers if you don’t. When my hair is gray, I don’t want to be wondering why I didn’t give it a shot. We just have to hold our breath, count to three and jump. So here we go. And with enough work, you might see me touring your city in my little Toyota Camry sometime soon. Or you might not. I can deal with either one. But at least I will know on my dying day that I was, at one point, a musician."

[John Crist is a musician currently living in Columbus, Ohio. You can hear his music at www.johncrist.com or www.purevolume.com/johncrist.]

Ok ~ time to get real. I have recently acquired the Message//Remix and I have found it to be an awesome devotional tool. The language is very simple and to the point, and let's face it-- I need that sometimes. Break it down for your ADD infected servant, Lord. Anyways, I read last Friday morning the well known passage~ Luke 11:8-13

"Here's what I am saying:

Ask and you'll get;
Seek and you'll find;
Knock and the door will open.

Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This is not a cat- and -mouse game we're in. If your little boy asks for a serving off fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? If your little girl asks for an egg, do you trick her with a spider? As Bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing- your'e at least decent to your own children. And don't you think the Father who concieved you in love will give the Holy Spirit when you ask him?"

oK~ So there you are. That not only broke things down for me but commanded me to buck up and ask God boldly and specifically for what I need. I am not very good at that. Lori and I talked the other night about this subject and we are a lot alike in this---we have made our own plans many times before in the past and God has busted right through them with HIS better and perfect plan. Therefore, that has left us where we are...pleading "Whatever, God." And don't get me wrong, that is where we should be, however, where do our NEEDS fit in the picture and where does this passage of scripture fit in as well? I think it's pretty clear. It's a fine line, though, isn't it? Our needs and HIS will. Submission. Acceptance of gifts. Not being afraid to ask for what I need. That's really hard for me. I hate asking for stuff...even if I am commanded to. I consider myself quite self sufficient and independent and I have always tried to be a "provider" to others.While that's not a bad thing, the provision is His to give. Guess that's where God is still teaching me about control, and how it belongs to him. The old saying " God helps those who help themselves" has been my subconscious motto though I have never really admitted that.

There's definitely a balance there, and I think I have been a little heavy on one side of the scale.

Anyways, the time has come in my life to ask, and I am doing it here where others can read it. And if and when you pray, would you mind interceding a bit on my behalf?

Father,

I force myself to become vulnerable again as you have called me to be. I confess you again the Lord and Savior of my life.

You are my provider. You are my strength and my shield. You have never failed me in my life thus far, as disobedient and rebellious as I have been. You have brought me through the fire and proven to me your unconditional love, provision, healing, grace, and vision. There is no reason why I shouldn't trust you completely with my life, my heart, my plans, my marriage, and my dreams. And I do. YOu know me down to the hairs on my head. You know my heart, my weaknesses, my fears, and my struggles.
You know my needs. I have been so lazy in my trust and faith in YOU while my spirit and body have been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to figure out how to get by and what next step to take.

My needs are these:

I need a way to get myself and my family out of debt. You have not called me to be enslaved by money and debt to man. You want me to be free of this. Make a way, Lord. I will do whatever it takes. Make a way.

You have been inching me forward into yet another season. I have felt the birthing pains of renewal and preperation and you have given me a deep peace that the next step is a GOOD and RIGHT one. I need a job where I can use the creative and administrative gifts you have given me to merge together and make a difference. I am NOT a robot and although this time has taught me many things, you have not called me to be a robot in my work for very much longer. As boldly as I stand here asking, I ask that you will just as boldly and clearly lead me into your best for me. In your timing.

I ask for these things as honestly and boldly as I know how, and believe that you will answer. YOUR will be done. I want to be in a place where you can use me, your servant, in the BEST way---whatver manner you choose.

Continue to strip away the things that keep me tangled up. I have tasted freedom. I want to be completely free.

Amen.

Thank you for anyone out there that will stand in faith with me on these things.

We saw an absolutely stunning British film last titled Ladies in Lavender.



Beautiful story ~ enchanting music ~ hauntingly well done. See it if ever you have the chance.

This will be our new abode as of July 30. It's gonna take a little work and TLC, but it is a dream come true.



We have worked out a deal with this guy to upkeep and make improvements to the
house.



I can't wait!!!

Good times with Lori last night. Went to Waterside and took the ferry over to P-town and ate schnitzel! at a darling little German restaraunt.

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all
these things shall be added to you.

To seek means to search for and go after.

Most of us read the words "seek first" and start thinking about first,
second, and third in terms of priorities. We say, "Put God first,
family second, and job third," and we try to do all those things. I
think we are missing the point. God is saying that He is first, above
all else. The author of Proverbs wrote, "In all your ways acknowledge
Him, / And He shall direct your paths" (Prov. 3:6 nkjv).

When He says,
"seek first," that means your relationship with Him should be so close that you
check with Him before you move to the next place. If you do that, you
will experience one of the most wonderful relationships in your life,
and it will be with the Holy Ghost. After a while you will not even
have to ask!

Your spirit will automatically acknowledge Him, and you will not have
to check your priorities. When God is your guide, He will tell you
when to invest time in the family and when to focus on the job. He
will tell you when you are spending too much time at work and need to
be home. He will warn you if you have not done enough with your
children. He even will let you know when you need to get off of that
sofa and go exercise. When you search for and pri e your time with
Him more than any other, He will show you how to live. In the process,
He also will keep you healthy and thinking and experiencing wholesome
things that enrich your life. This is the life of a lamb under the
guidance of the Good Shepherd. Today's

Jesus, I want to acknowledge You in all that I do. I know that You will direct my paths. I do not want it to be a "religious" thing where I always "check my priorities." I want it to be asnatural as breathing. Lord. I am seeking after You.

we all left a little wind-blown...but it was worth it.

brothers!


happy birthday, baby.

Good verse for day. Look to the left and down a bit.

Great weekend...more to follow. We are moving into this fabulous house in a month and a half. He gives.

Discouraging news came via mail. He takes away.

Needed this reminder of His promises that never fail~ a devotional by Alicia Britt Cole:

My word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty." Isaiah 55.11, niv

Generations ago, our elders were taught that, “a man is only as good as his word.” The adage represented a belief that you could judge someone’s character by their ability to make and keep promises.

But beliefs in general, and promises in particular, are more questioned than trusted in our day. An epidemic of broken promises has left us wondering if anyone’s word is reliable. So when others make promises, we smile politely and wisely ask them to sign this legal document, that official contract, or those binding agreements so that we are protected in the event that they fail to keep their word.

But there is One who has never failed. There is One whose words have never been empty and whose promises have never been broken. This One has vowed that His Word will never return void:

"As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55.10-11

Once released from the clouds, the law of gravity promises that rain will fall down. Once released from His mouth, God’s character promises that His Word will never fail. It certainly never failed when it was released from Jesus’ mouth.

The apostle John stated that, “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father.” (John 1.14) Through a mystery we can only faintly comprehend, God’s spoken Word walked among us in the Person of Jesus Christ. And wherever His words fell, life grew.

Jesus said, “Be clean!” and a leper was cured. (Matthew 8.3)

Jesus said, “Take your mat and go home” and a paralytic walked out the door. (Matthew 9.6)

Jesus said, “Stretch out your hand” and man’s shriveled arm was restored. (Matthew 9.13)

Jesus said, “Your request is granted” and a mother’s daughter was healed. (Matthew 15.28)

Jesus said “Come out of him!” and an oppressed man knew peace. (Mark 1.25)

Jesus said, “Be freed” and a sick women stopped bleeding. (Mark 5.34)

Jesus said, “Be opened” and a man could hear and speak. (Mark 7.34)

Jesus said, “Go, your faith has healed you” and Bartimaeus received his sight. (Mark 10.52)

Jesus said, “Get up” to a widow’s dead son and a funeral turned into a dance. (Luke 7.14)

Jesus said, “Your sins are forgiven” and a prostitute felt peace. (Luke 7.48)

Jesus said, “My child, get up!” and a father’s grief turned to tears of joy. (Luke 8.54)

Jesus said, “You are set free” and a crippled woman stood tall. (Luke 13.12)

Jesus said, “I who speak to you am he” and a Samaritan woman believed. (John 4.26)

Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you” and an adulteress received a second chance. (John 8.11)

Jesus said, “Come out!” and Lazarus emerged from his tomb. (John 11.43)

Jesus said, “It is finished” and the barrier separating us from God was torn in two. (John 19.30)

May faith arise in our hearts! God has not stopped speaking. The Bible is filled with His Words. None of them are empty. None of them will fail. His Word can still make us whole and stop the bleeding in our souls. His Word still brings peace to the troubled and hope to the grieving. His Word still cleanses hearts and brings life to the dead.

Oh yeah, one more thing:

Prayer (and request for anyone out there that talks to God) for tommorow:

We are going to look at a possible new living arrangement, a house that sure sounds like a dream. (2 story, hardwood floors, wrap arouns porch, you get the idea...a dream)We have already discussed possibilities with the guy about renting it, but tommorow will tell all.

Favor would be awesome, God. Not that your will isn't bigger than our dreams...but isn't is fabulous when the two collide?

morbid encounter for the day:

A WWII vet who came to see Guys and Dolls told me that he wanted me to sing at his funeral. How do you respond to that? "Ok - sure, I would be honored! Just tell me when and where..." My hope is that my singing career goes at least a few inches beyond "Requiem Serenader..."

funny encounter of the day:

There is a girl that works down the hall that I ALWAYS see in the bathroom. Today she said we were like those guys on "Scrubs" who are on the same pee cycle. "I couldn't go without you, man!"

Good purchase of the day:

three new CD's -
1. Coldplay- X&Y (a Friday present for Justin~ he walked in mid-blog and did a happy dance.)
2. Anna Nalick - Wreck of the Day
3. The Notebook soundtrack - my personal favorite.

rage of the day:

I am going to have to kill my husband, I just got home and he has taken all of the laundry quarters for probably a refreshing beverage ...or 5. I really could kill him. It will have to wait for later seeing as he's at rehearsal now until 10. He will soon find out that he has no clean underwear for the week. Guess he'll have to flip them inside out. argh. Justin, if you live to read this, let this serve as a warning...do it again and "off with your head, Sparky."

Looking forward to a weekend in the sunshine. Hope it keeps shining...

The rain is pelting the window with an invading force and I find myself longing for my hammock on the porch at home. Curled up with my eyes closed, getting drenched by the horizontal water blowing onto my skin. Organic solitude. Today's mantra.

I am waiting. For some answers. The fleeces have been laid out and I am waiting. Peacefully. It's not so bad waiting for direction when you are free from the expectations of others. When you are living for an audience of one and the road ahead is your for the venturing. Only taken me 25 years but I have found anna...and I like her. She's quirky...but that's ok.

I know I have sounded redundant in the recent days...so what? Perhaps the good moments in life should be redundant and repeated. I will close my eyes and be on my porch now, swinging my legs...dreaming of what's to come...
"there's no place like home..."

CHALLENGES: Student Concentrates on Abilities


Student Takes Challenges and Doubters as They Come.
Written by Philip Walzer - The Virginian - Pilot

NORFOLK - Clay Rushing can take care of the doubters. Like the guy at Virginia Wesleyan College a few years back who couldn't believe Rushing is a black belt in tae kwon do.


"Come here," Rushing said.
The hapless guy, looking at Rushing in his wheelchair, fearing little, approached, and Rushing got him in an armlock.

Then there were the ones who said he couldn't graduate from college. Wrong again.


Rushing is finishing his studies at Virginia Wesleyan this week with roughly a 3.4 grade point average, midway between an A and a B. He majored in religious studies and will head for Regent University's divinity school.

Give the doubters a little credit this time.

In addition to cerebral palsy, Rushing has a medley of learning disabilities that leave him unable to read or write. So how did he make it through college?

A whole lot of willpower.
A buoyant attitude.
A dedicated corps of assistants and cheerleaders.
An incredible memory.
"God is good," Rushing said.

He can pick up the phone to order pizza, but he can't cook.

He can take off his shirt but needs help putting it on.

His speech is slow but clear. His head sometimes lolls back, and his eyes close for long seconds when he's deep in thought.

He often raises his scrunched hands to face-level, his thumbs tucked under his middle fingers.

A crew of part-time assistants, some of them fellow students, helps him throughout the day. They help him shower and go to the bathroom. They tape his lectures. They record chapters of his texts that are unavailable on tape. They take dictation for his papers.

But it's not all them.

Rushing figures he's at the college's Learning Resource Center five to 10 hours a day. "He is always striving to get the very best grade," said Linda H. Sykes, an assistant at the center, who gets choked up thinking about his departure from the college.

"We don't sit down and do the work for him," she said. "He tells us where to go on the Internet." For papers, "he can be dictating information to me or to a work-study student, and we read it back, and he just continues on."

It's pointless, he said, to dwell on his limitation. Rushing prefers to concentrate on what he can do. Like his third-degree black belt in tae kwon do.
His interest was piqued at age 10. "Ever since I saw 'The Karate Kid,' I wanted to do that," he said.

Some of the movements he can perform; the rest he can define.
That's his incredible memory again.

"Whether they're passages from the Koran or the New Testament, he remembers them," said his adviser, Craig Wansink, a professor of religious studies. "When you get into a discussion when people are fumbling, trying to figure out a particular verse, he can point to it directly, right away."

Rushing, a Methodist-turned-evangelical-Presbyterian, knows he probably can't serve as a senior pastor of a church. But he hopes to take on another role, perhaps as a teacher.

"This has put me in a unique position to bless people," Rushing said, "and show them that in spite of my disability I can still be happy and joyful and praise God."
He also knows this: Someday, somewhere, he will walk again.

This time, Rushing can point doubters to the story in Matthew about Jesus healing the paralyzed man.

"The time will come, whether in this life or the hereafter, that I will not need this chair," he said. "I see this as a temporary situation."

My dearest Sarah,
I am sure you don't mind me using your comment as an example here...
but isn't that funny that that the arts seem to many Christians as not much of a mission field? Which is such an absurd thought to me, knowing so many lost people that I can call my closest friends through the years.

Mine and Justin's relationship to the "church" has changed dramatically (no pun intended) and I sometimes feel like I am on up a podium being judged for this, by those that we used to sit next to in the pews and those that want us next to them in the pews. There is nothing I can do about that, but let it go and keep seeking my Father's will, following where He leads. God is doing something a little unexpected in us...and leading us gently away from the pews and closer to the battle, on the front line He is choosing us to go "heavy on the salt."

I am glad the article spoke to you on a broader scale. Tis true that the church wouldn't know what to do if alot of us starting being a bit more salty.

It was good to see you last weekend too. I am counting the days to the beach rendezvous. Love you. Give Jeff a hug for me.

Several of our friends had to write a paper in a film class this past semester and had to explore, research, and defend their stance on being actors in this world we find ourselves in. As a Christian, what would you be willing to do or not do on stage? What determines for you what roles you would accept or reject, knowing full well that your income and sustenance depends on working in this field? And let's face it, the odds of getting enough roles in a year as a workig actor to make it financially are slim to none. Simply getting to be on stage is what keeps your sprit going, while waiting tables or being a secretary (or whatever else) is what pays the bills. Justin and I engaged in several conversations concerning this topic, and it is one that is inevitablty going to haunt the actor following Christ. This brings me back to the topic of late: obedience. Walking in the Spirit...not in fear but in full confidence in your Father who is your provider. Obedience. Is He who has called you not capable of fulfilling your needs?

"Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one off these. If that is how God has clothed the grass of the field, which is here today and tommorow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or "What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ~ Matthew 6:29-30

As I was clicking away last night I came across this article:

Trailblazing Media Arts
A friend of mine just moved to Hollywood. She'd had a corporate job overseeing a 64 million-dollar yearly budget, with 200 people under her. But she's also a fine actress and feels called as an ambassador to the arts. She doesn't care about being a star, she just wants to use her acting gift. She also wants to be "salt" to those she works with, and do silent intercession for the whole industry while she's on the sets. A director asked her, "How can you be an actress with integrity if there are roles you'd refuse because of your faith?" She said, "If I accept a role then refuse to perform it, I'd lack integrity. But if I reject a role because of its contents, then I'm operating with full integrity regarding my faith and my craft."

There may not be a lot of easy answers for artists bold enough to venture beyond the church. And like all of us, they'll stand accountable to God for how they used, or buried, their talent. The fact is, many of our artists are called to "plant and water" among the lost. We need to stop pressuring them to conform their art to fit standard "pulpit" giftings. Perhaps it's their audience, not their art, that God wants to change.

Why not publicly anoint our artists, affirm their giftings, and commission them to their mission field? The whole church could even promise their support and prayers while they're out there blazing a trail for others to follow. If we did this, maybe, just maybe, the Holy Spirit will inspire a few of them to present God's power and love in ways that are so relevant, bold, and innovative that people around the world will be shaken with the reality of Jesus the giver of every good gift.

And if one of these young artists happens to ask us for advice, we need to take a deep breath and be sure we don't discourage a God-inspired idea, no matter how crazy it might seem. In fact, it might serve us well to think of what we might have advised that young healing evangelist if He had submitted His prompting to us by saying, "God is telling me that if I spit in the dirt and rub mud into this guy's eyes, his blindness will be healed."

~ last days ministries ~

Whatever your passions, your calling, what gets you up in the morning...consider the source in which has called you and...obey.

If there is one thing I have learned through my journey on the windy and twisty road of getting closer to my Saviour is that obedience is the answer. When I choose to obey, the fruit that appears miraculously usually stuns me. Why should it come as a surprise to me? It's simple. I obeyed I did what was asked of me, trembling knees or not. And then there are the times that I have decided (most likely due to fear) NOT to obey. This is when the fruit never shows up, and my heart is heavy and burdened through what "could have been." Not that God doesn't work everything for good like he promises, or that because of my lack of obedience the job doesn't get accomplished. Of course it does, He just uses someone else who is AVAILABLE and WILLING to step out. And someone gets the honor of serving Him. You would think I would have learned this by now. How many times has He proven His validity as my King to me? Too many times to count. Then why do I EVER cower in fear?

Man...I just want to dwell on the limb, not just visit it once in a while.

Hard to believe it is June.

The cubicle calendar quote for the month of June is:

WHAT WOULD YOU ATTEMPT TO DO IF YOU KNEW YOU WOULD NOT FAIL?

I am going to ponder this one for while before answering. Good question, though.
Last night I went to the Naro and watched a documentary called "Oil on Ice"- which uncovers a huge issue in our government right now regarding drilling for oil in Northern Alaska, which is essentially a wildlife preserve and the people uo there live off that land and all it's inhabitants. It was very informative...I wasn't aware of all the issues. Interesting.

So, my dad and my sister inform me last weekend that my sixth grade boyfriend (more like crush, I think I snagged him for a week~ perhaps only a few days- you know how sixth grade goes) is up for Rookie of the Year and is playing for the San Fransisco Giants. Here he is in all of his glory~ my adolescent flame:


That's probaby the look I would get if I walked up and asked him if he remembered me from the playground at Scott Lake Elementary.

Rock on, Lance.