Thoughts while Traveling

Today I witnessed a woman say to her young son "Dammit boy, you ask too many questions!"

It made me want to cry.

How can you say that? Honestly, if you've only been around for three or four years, you aren't going to have a great deal of knowledge about things. How else is he going to learn? What child learns solely by observation? It just made me very grateful that I grew up in an environment where I could ask questions. I can't imagine what I would've missed out on had I not. Every time my dad and I went anywhere I would ask him things I wanted to know about. 8, 10, 12 years old- I wanted to know about vietnam, rock-n-roll, james brown, english history, civil war history, civil rights movement, world war II, baseball, abraham lincoln, shakespeare, shotguns, santa claus, cars, family history, the american revolution, other countries, assassinated presidents, watergate, the bible, inter-racial marriages, guitar legends, poisoned tree frogs... everything. One of our favourite games was 20 questions. Dad would always pick someone I didn't know, but I learned 20 things about them (even if two of those facts were just simple things like that the subject is dead and male- at least I wasn't running around wondering why that lady named Teddy Roosevelt was never in the news).

I treasure those times. And those weren't the only instances- I was never discouraged from asking questions an dmy life has been better for it.

Seeing what I saw this morning makes me want to have a child. (Don't worry sweets, not right away) I want our child to always ask questions. And if I don't know the answer... I'll just make something up.

Oddly enough, the woman asked me a few questions. You have no idea how hard it was not to say "Dammit lady, you ask too many questions."

LITERACY OR LACK THEREOF

So I have told some souls very close to me that this past year has been very humbling. And it's a good thing, for God has brought me down (gracefully and mercifully) to where I need to be. or at least closer. Serving tables teaches one a lot about oneself, humanity...well, about SERVING. Relying on your own performance (for lack of a better word) and customer service skills to pay your bills is a tough place. And let's face it, when you are hoping for your customers to come through on a particular day to pay your Duke Power bill, it's not the most content of days. However, saying that, I learned in the process to rely on God in a new capacity and setting. I haven't yet been late on a Duke Power bill. He has been faithful and has provided Justin and I precisely the money that we have needed. But the lessons I have learned about "feet washing" are far more valuable.

My "other" job. Another daily "humble-pill." I answer phones and perform various other mind-numbing tasks as assigned. I am just that. The nature of my job is mindless but at times can be helpful. Somebody has to do it. It is important, but it's hard for someone like me. I like to be thinking and problem -solving, constantly in motion. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for this job and it has served a purpose in my life, but sometimes I feel as though I am losing my zeal and passion for life in the day to day grind.

My dad (the earlier blogged about wise- man)told me a few months ago after an incident at work that you really know who a person is and what they are about when you see how they treat someone they have no use for. I happened to be the "useless" person at the time, and it felt like crap.

And the other day I had an interesting confrontation with an older woman who works in the office. She asked me to send a broadcast fax, which I have never done before, and I told her I wasn't sure how to do that, but I would try. She then got a bit exasperated with me and told me she would walk back to her office and get her glasses so she could read the directions and do it herself. I then said, "If there are directions, I am sure I could figure it out, where are they?" And she showed me where and then replied,

"I wasn't sure if you could read."

Goes to show how far a college degree can get ya.

Wow. I don't know to this day if she was trying to be funny, but I felt like such a bottom dweller at that point.
I could ramble on about this...but I don't need to. I'm just learning more about life each day and it sure gets harder as the years go by.

anyways...

Got a call from a woman at Regent yesterday with good news considering my applicaiton and GRE test questions.

She said I have a chance. A good one. Grad school is possibly on the horizon and I can't wait to begin a new leg of my journey.

Maybe they will teach me how to read!

God has made people very different. I Cor. 12:12 "The body is a unit, although made up of many parts...."

This is not necessarily a revelation to me; God has brought me this passage on numerous occasions. I've even preached on this passage to 700 young people in Zambia. I am not implying that I am an expert on it at all, it just is a part of scripture I am very familiar with. However, saying that, I have not in my life faced this reality in such a HUMAN capacity. Until now. And what I mean by "human" is inter-personal, emotionally charged relationships being heavily effected and damaged by the fact that we as humans are so different. That is not how God intends the body to work, but, of course, we live in a fallen world...

And how are we different?
"one man's trash is another man's treasure."
Perspectives are totally opposite due to background, family, hardships, passions, convictions, and focus. Not to mention spiritual giftings, which effect greatly how a believer is "wired" and motivated. One person's intense struggle can be another's indifferent attitude.One person's joy can be another's sorrow. One person's compassion can be another person's wrath. One person's scenic drive through life takes lots of EXCITING and dangerous twists and turns, and is viewed by another as reckless irresponsibilty. One person's "step of faith" is another's comfort zone. One person's contentment is another's desert. One persons battle is another's liberation. OK OK I have made my point, right?

I will state again the subject of this blog. God has made us very different. He obviously has a purpose for this. A bigger picture. A well-working machine. 1 Cor. 12. His word says so. Why do we have to break through so much? We are flesh and we are fallible. Jesus is perfect. I just wish his purpose was easier to see sometimes, then we wouldn't have so much of the battle. Evil abounds, as usual, prowling around looking to devour. Sometimes it leaves with a full belly. A full belly of our hideous flesh, and at times even parts of our spirits. Our flesh is one thing, but our spirits should be off limits! That's what the word of the Lord tells us! but we let the Enemy devour and detroy, because we are so weak. WE LET IT HAPPEN.
Lord, God of heaven, help us.

Make me like the blind man, Lord. Tenacious in my faith , bold in my requests, and confident in my approach to your throne.

LESSONS FROM A BLIND MAN

Mark 10: 47~52

Bartimaeus was at a point of great need. He had a PROBLEM that he could not solve, yet he was trying the best he could to get by. (begging on the street)

POINTS OF ACTION FROM BARTIMAEUS' LIFE:

1. Bartimaeus got the RIGHT PERSON invloved in his crisis- JESUS CHRIST.
(he began to cry out )

*Oftentimes when we have presing needs we look to EVERYTHING and
EVERYONE but Jesus.

2. Bartimaeus was TENACIOUS in his pursuit of Jesus.

Three obstacles our pursuit of Jesus:
* SELF
* SATAN
* OTHERS

3. Bartimaeus was BOLD in his request.
(we have not because we ask not)

Matthew 7:7- "Ask and it will be given to you;seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you."

Hebrews 4:16 "let us then approach the throne of grace with CONFIDENCE,
so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in the
time of need. "

4. Bartimaeus had FAITH that Jesus would restore his sight .

* Faith is the KEY to the miraculous. Jesus does not respond to NEED
ALONE, but to faith.

HOW DO WE GET FAITH?

* Through EXPERIENCING God in our lives.
* By HEARING and APPLYING the word of god to our lives.
(Romans 10:17)
* Reviewing the PAST FAITHFULNESS of God.
* By ASKING God to increase our faith.

5. Bartimaeus was willing to REMOVE the things of the PAST in order to embrace the future God had for him.
He "threw his cloak aside...jumped to his feet...CAME TO JESUS." (mARK 10:50

~ Pastor Farrell Sun. April 25

Trying to blog when you are constantly interupted is like trying to type with an oven mitt on... you're probably going to have to back it up and start over.


See... I was going somewhere with that and someone came and asked me for a pen- and BAM. I have to start over again.

Are you allowed to blog when you have nothing to say? Are there unwritten rules? There always are you know. One day I will make of book of unwritten rules- making them written. Then, no one can be accused of breaking and unwritten rule- because there won't be any. It would have to be a rather extensive book covering a wide expanse of human relations, conditions, and situations. It would probably have to be an encyclopedia with a user-friendly index. Volumes upon volumes of supposed understoods. "Always leave a urinal between you and another restroom patron whenever possible." "If someone has there blinker on indicating an open or opening parking space- you must acknowledge the blinker and stand down. The first driver to activate his/her blinker is rightful claimant to the parking space." Stuff like that.
Because some people don't know. I don't know why, but they don't.

Wait... I know why- because it's UNWRITTEN! That's why. One day I will resolve this with my encyclopedia of once unwritten laws.

And the people will rejoice.

Of course, the greatest blessing of my life is my husband. The fact that God let me marry my best friend is very cool. Anyone that knows him loves him, and might presume the understanding why I would...and do. However, I love the fact NO ONE can know! My little secrets. I like owning that private joy. Anyone out there that is committed in marriage to another human being would I hope understand where I am coming from. Because it's great. Because it's intimate. Because it's partnership...and trust. Justin, I love you today because I CHOOSE to ...because I WANT to. And it's real.

I used to make a habit of counting my blessings.

I started counting my blessings last night as I drifted off to sleep. They jumped over the fence just like sheep do.
I am abundantly blessed with deep and meaningful friendships. Alas, God has not left me out to dry after all! Although emotionally I have been surviving in a dry, parched desert for a while ~they have remained there. Not so much in a physical sense (many of them not at all) , but in a connection sense that reaches beyond words and location.In a (heaven forbid) "Spirit of God" kind of way. Supernatural attachment connected by an invisible silver string from one spirit to another. Praise you Jesus, for that. You are beautiful like that.

Becki~ the ever present Becki. So far away in miles and yet so very close in understanding and companionship. Kindred Spirit. Never would have survived the hard times without that connection. Never. Don't know if I ever would have taken the "dangerous" steps in life if it weren't for the seeds planted by her in 1995. Believe that we will be in the same place together one day -somewhere. It has to be.

Caroline~My accountabilty. My "truth meter". My ever honest friend that I trust with my soul on a platter. That doesn't happen very often in life, and I don't take her for granted. To the deep things of life...another kindred spirit.

Sarah L.~ yet another one. She brings "LIFE" to me. When I am talking to her or around her she pumps passion into my veins, without even being aware of it. That's cool. I pray that I can do the same for her.

Esther~ she sees my heart and I see hers. That's just nice. She makes me feel when I don't want to but need to. She's like the fabric softener for my heart...

My sister~ we have survived the earthquakes, tornados, and warm, sunny days that life has issued un-provoked. She's always been present, and yet recently I have begun to deeply appreciate who she is. Better late than never, but still, shame on me. Here's to whatever comes next, sarah-bo. Sarah Elizabeth Jewett-(Clark) heehee

Julie~ an ever evolving entity is our friendship. My friend. She came into my life as a solid rock that would support me when my foundation moved from underneath me. Then this foundation drifted off to sea and out of my life forever...and she stood and held my hand as we watched it go. Then God brought a new thing. A newly renovated "home" for me. She stood by me as I embraced, accepted, and committed myself to a new thing. She has never left, and she is the most loyal friend anyone could ever hope for in life.

I could keep going....like I said I am abundantly blessed. Thank you, Jesus. You have never failed me yet.

WISDOM GROWS OUT OF WONDER

A lovely older woman that recently lost her husband after 30+ years keeps asking me questions about grief, I think to assure herself that it is in fact true: "normal" no longer exists in her world. I don't know much more than that, however I do believe I have come to that very conclusion in my own little corner.


Like I am some expert on the grieving process...as if it's the same for everyone.

Normal. That word even seems like a foreign language to me most days. It wasn't always...and I am certain the day and the hour when it was translated. When everything came crashing down. One has no choice in the matter to remain the same person they have always been, and for that matter I don't think a choice on who or what they morph into. I know I didn't. I feel as though I have lived two lives...each unique with their struggles, partners, desires, joys, and sorrows. Not much "feels" the same. Hell, even my hips are different (spread like butter, that is.)The second has the first beat in the sorrows department. Wonder if that will ever change. Maybe it has less to do with "morphing" and more to do with just aging. So much for "aging gracefully". That takes too much work...and THAT is for the birds, I say.

Ok. Enough of the morbid chatter. Sometimes morbid chatter is what you get with me, or I get with me. It always blows over. The rain doesn't help.

I have had this amazing spanish worship song in my head all day. I learned it while in Argentina. Sarah, if you don't know it, I should teach it to you. The melody is so simple, and so pretty.
I may not remember the spelling completely right, but it's something like this:

Tengo perfume que
solo es para ti
es mi alabanza
es mi adoración

No puedo mas ~ resistir este amor
que está dentro de mi corazón
recibe mi adoración

The butterfly can just look back
Flap those wings and say Oh, yeah
I never have to be a worm again

The snake gets tired of being him
He wriggles from that itchy skin
Leaves it lying where he’s been and moves on

Pre-chorus:
I’ve been longing for something tangible
Some kind of proof that there’s been change in me

Chorus:
Feels like I have been waking up
Only to fight with the same old stuff
Change is slow and it fills me with such doubt
Come on New Man where have you been
Help me wriggle from this Self I’m in
And leave it like a skin upon the ground
~sara groves~

Ok...so I shared some of my thoughts with my friend. She did what I hoped someone would do to ease my feelings expressed earlier. She said there is a difference between a headache and a head injury. Why does that make me feel better? Only I could know and not really explain.

This happens to be the same friend who doesn't think deep thoughts. I was right, she DOES and we discussed an unrelated topic quite deep...I loved proving her wrong.

You don't have a friend named FLOUNDER...please, Justin. Your overactive imagination could lead someone to believe you live in a made-up super hero world. Oh...wait...

Just kidding, darling. I miss you today.

So we had dinner with my parents last night. The older I get the more respect and intrigue I gain for my father, the super-clergy. Seriously, He truly has lived a full and adventurous life. The stories from his younger and more charismatic days make me smile and know better wherein lie my roots. (I don't care if that sentence made sense,it did in my head) There have been many times in my life when I have felt like I must have been adopted, regardless of the well known fact that I seem the epitomy of my mother. I may have her face and her hips, however I know my dad snuck some DNA in the mix. More than I may have thought. Anyways, I love talking to him when the rare free moment arises.

He told us last night that he used to "lift" headaches, like as in heal...like as in a supernatural God-thing. Hello? Don't worry, Sarah, I laid into him for leaving our family (namely you) out to dry for all these years. I couldn't believe it...if one has a gift like that, why would you stop using it? There has got to be more there.I need to continue this conversation, obviously...I am still processing this information. It does make me angry, a little bit, if I admit my human feelings.There are things I wonder. I have had encounters with several life-altering "head injuries" ...my own and one that I loved. One of us survived, one of us didn't. Did my dad have something to do with my making it? Why didn't he do it again ,if so? I realize that I am looking WAY into this, but that's me, that's what I do...sometimes to my own detriment. And these sentiments I am recording this morning are the "extreme" ones...but they are still mine.

Questions.

My life is always circling a question. I had a friend yesterday actually tell me that she didn't have any questions about life, and that she rarely thinks deep thoughts. I told her I didn't believe that for a second...what a weird thing to say, though??? That's not fathomable to me.

Another thing my dad said last night which Justin and I found equally interesting is the view that Jesus had more tolerance for sins of the flesh than sins of attitude...i.e. the naming the church leader 'brood of vipers"...(matthew 23)
Now there is something to ponder. Think about the church today. Which is it more tolerant of ? And one more thought (I am overflowing this morning)...is there a wave slowly descending over our culture today that proclaims that the church is dead? Think about it.

THE CHURCH IS DEAD. There is a controversial statement if I have ever heard one. The church is dead and the power of the Gospel is not to found in the church, but outside the church. Believable, isn't it? Conceivable-is it not? What comes to my mind? "The Passion", the "tent in the center of town"...
The watered down confusion of the church as an institution today...can God be doing a NEW THING? Heaven forbid... :)

Parents that name their children after Disney characters should be prosecuted. At least, that's how my friend Flounder feels.

let's file this under "Some Things Never Change"

A 70something-year-old woman tried to tell me today that the pen I was using belonged to her and she had been using it. Now, this the pen that I brought from home, that I keep in my bookbag, that I take home with me everyday, that I never lend to anyone unless they are just going to use it in front of me- I know this may seem anal, but I'd lose a fortune in writing utensils if I didn't- the pen that I've used everyday for the last two weeks. It's MY PEN. And she was trying to say that she thought it was hers- and she kept repeating it. "I thought that was the one I was using, " "I could've sworn that was the pen I was using," etc. Any time someone repeats that they "thought" something, they are trying to say that they are right and you are wrong or they don't believe you.

This just in: as I was writing this, she came up to the desk to sign out, and I had to let her use the pen to do so... she held it longingly in her hands before using it. BACK UP OFF MY PEN, LADY!

It takes me back to grade school when I used to leave things behind all the time. My mom would get me a really neat eraser or something- I would leave it in homeroom, go to language arts, then come back and some other kid would be playing with it. I would say "Hey, I think that's my eraser- I left it when we went to language arts." and he owuld invariably reply "No, my mom bought me this yesterday."
Oh, I'm so sure that your mom went out and bought you an eraser in the shape of RAMBO that says "justin" on the bazooka. (I told you it was neat).
- effing liar-
Except today it was a 70something-year-old woman trying to convince me out of my pen. Did she think I would just forget that it was mine? Was she trying to pull some Jedi mind trick? She's not a Jedi. And the pen is mine.

Oh yea- and my allergies are killing me. Zyrtec take me

Psalm 146

"Praise the Lord, I tell myself.
I will praise Him as long as I live.
I will sing praises to my God even with my dying breath.

Don't put your confidence in powerful people;
there is no help for you there.
When their breathing stops, they return to the earth,
and in a moment all their plans come to an end.

But happy are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the Lord their God.
He is the One who made the Heaven and the earth, the sea, and everything in them.

He is the One who keeps every promise forever, who gives justice to the oppressed and food to the hungry.
The Lord frees the prisoners

The Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord lifts the burdens of those bent beneath their loads.

The Lord loves the righteous. The Lord protects the foreigners among us. He cares for the orphans and the widows, but he frustrates the plans of the wicked.

The Lord will reign forever. O Jerusalem, your God is King in every generation!"

My flower died. I think. I am trying to revive it, but it's touch and go right now. Yikes. What does that mean?

Someone gave me a flower. I am touched. It's sitting in a pot on my desk and it makes me smile. It reminds me that I am alive as well. It reminds me that I have been uprooted like it has and replanted...and watered...and that one day I will be as beautiful and strong and graceful like it is. I don't know what kind of storms this little daisy has weathered, because I only see it thriving and smiling at me. Kind of like my life. As I grow older, I meet new people, go new places. These people don't know what storms I have weathered to be standing upright. They don't have to know. I hope they will look at me and see what I see in you, little flower.

I came across an awesome website exploring the "Passion" from just about every angle. There are interviews, explanations of the imagery and symbolism,pics, etc. Very cool. Lots of scripture. Love it. Check it out at www.thelife.com

I married an idiot.

He's great though. every once in a while I have a giggle over our little blog we have going here. If anybody actually read this thing, there is no way of really telling who wrote what. Scary and yet wildly amusing. Because, as you like to say, my darling, "We are one!" That's right, Street.

The sun just came out like a great idea.

Every once in awhile, I decide to write in cursive- today was such a day. I jotted down little phrases and thoughts... just whatever pops in my head. Here are today's musings:

quite oft, to no one in particular

radio-activity is the new black

this I know... tomatoes have no souls

Mr. Peabody told no one of his larynx

if no one ever cut their hair, or shaved, or waxed- then where would we be?

maybe herbivores are only such because no one has offered them steak

play mature if you'd like- but farts are funny

abuse the hamburger til it screams

celebrate asparagus like there is no tomorrow... cause there ain't... not for the asparagus

there is only one letter difference between public and pubic

Now it is is a rainy Tuesday morning. Serious Dejavu. Why do I always comment on the weather? Has more power over our well-being than we think it does. Harvey is lonely. This week of dog-sitting has proven once again how far away I am to being "ready" to reproduce. I can hardly keep that dog fed, much less emotionally stable. Yikes. Justin, honey, will you go play with him today?

Today I have to tell my boss that I am moving and May 26 will be my last day here. I see a light at the end of the tunnel, and even though it is unknown what I am to find on the other side, the light itself is a comfort. I am excited about the possibilities ahead. I am a bit apprehensive that my husband may be moving into a dangerous job. That kind of goes without saying. Protection. That soon will be my prayer each morning for my love.

I hate cell phones. This is not a new development in my list of not-favorite things, but it remains up there near the top. Why? Yes, they are convenient at times. I myself have found that to be very true, and in those moments I am grateful for this technological phenomenon (to me anyways). However, what happens more than those moments of desperation when contact is necessary, I find them to be one of the ultimate distractions in society today. That is a strong statement, I know. And I promise I am not just hating on them for the sake of hating. It really bothers me. Really. You can't have a conversation with someone these days without some annoying little show tune beckoning the subject to stop, drop, and roll. And more than not, that's exactly what we do, inevitably forsaking the task or person at hand. I must say, the one redeeming value to those little pesky pieces of plastic and God-knows-what-else is the fact that they can be TURNED OFF. I use that convenience quite often. Wish more people would. And Justin and I do have one, ONE. It is our only phone, because it's cheaper and free long distant.That doesn't stop me from feeling hatred for them every now and then. The things that seemingly make our lives "easier"...do our lives really need to be "easier"? Maybe we need to actually drive,walk, or hitch a ride to see someone we love. Like the old days. I should have been born a century ago. This life is harder to me, it seems, for the diminishing number of face to face heart to hearts. It's easier to just punch a button and take somebody elses moment away with a high pitched stupid song. So there. On that note (no pun intended), I am going to read my Bible and pray. Sour thoughts can sneak in and steal if you let them. Time for a watering of my soul. Later.

It is another rainy Monday morning. I wish God would hold off the rain on Mondays, it's hard enough to get out of bed without the sound of rain pounding on the window, making it all the more difficult to move my toes,much less the rest of my weary body. But alas, here I am at work, trying to make the best of it. Seeing as I am what Major Allison likes to call the "first impression director" here at the office, I am attempting to bring at least a crack of a smile to the other weary traveller's coming off the long weekend back to the pushing of papers.

Church yesterday was invigorating for me. Being with other believers, lifting our hearts and hands and voices to exalt our King is awesome. What a blessing. Hanging out with my "little" sister was nice. (That wasn't a fat joke sarah-bo, it's just harder and harder to think of you as that...you old almost graduate...)
I missed my husband this weekend, though. I have grown so accustomed to not only his face (it's a song...from a musical,of course), but simply his constant presence by my side. My partner. My best friend. Those words are used kinda lightly, but he really is those things. I am blessed. I am glad you are home, my love.

One month and fifteen days. Change. Direction. Faith. Trust. Growth. Help!!
I think I have found a graduate program that will really suit me. Educational Theater and Theater Ministry at Regent University. It just jumped out at me from the screen and grabbed me. I believe I am going to go for it. Just the thought of more college debt quite frankly makes me hyperventilate. Debt in general has the potential to turn me into a monster, for in it lies debilitating fear for me. However, as God keeps reminding me...

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need. He lets me rest in green meadows;he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name." Psalm 23 (NLT)

"He guides me along RIGHT paths... " is this the right path? My spirit tells me it is. Lord, let me rest in this and cast all fear aside.

"...bringing HONOR to His name." You know I long to honor you,Lord. I am unworthy to be your servant, I know. Use me as you have others before me,in whatever you will.

"The Lord is my light and my Salvation -so why should I be afraid? The Lord protects me from danger,so why should I tremble?' Psalm 27

I am done trembling. the Enemy has kept me in bondage and trembling for too long. Off with your head, spirit of fear!

The fax machine beckons and the telephone is relentless. I must leave my thoughts here with , oh great blogger. Until later.

Working in a restaraunt is for the birds when it comes to Holidays. I have missed the past several holidays due to being a slave to the MG. Easter weekend will be a blast, working 5 shifts while Sarah is in town. I may have to pay off some other slave to take a shift or two. I want to go yard sale shopping so bad. Every once in a while I get this itch...and it's back. What do you think, my sister? let's go rummaging this saturday.

So I don't have any overwhelming thoughts to record this morning. But I feel compelled to journal whatever comes to mind nevertheless. I wonder does this happen to others out there? In that I mean the river of thoughts and revelations that come through the simple act of disciplining one self to write...whatever comes ? I usually find there is a lot more going on inside than I even choose to explore. I miss that. I miss my journal being my one haven from the world. When, and more importantly, WHY did this ritual diminish to almost simply a pastime for me? A thing I used to do? I don't know. I want to try and revive it.

I miss college. I can't believe I feel that way seeing that it was a pretty trying time in my life and I worked my tail off the entire time I was there to get to the goal: the degree; the accomplishment of finishing. I wish I had tried a little less and absorbed the moments a little more. I speak to my sister and others in that arena life and KNOW where they are. I mourn the time that has passed. I feel old. Now I know deep down in my heart that my mere twenty-four years of life is not that long...and yet...it feels that way. And unfortunately (because it usually just ruins me slowly) I feel everything in life very deeply. So at this point I feel this very deeply and wish I didn't. I find myself crying out to God every day for VISION...I need your vision, Lord. I used to have at least a cloudy view of where you were taking me, maybe not in the physical sense, but the PURPOSE sense. Now here I am, a lost child again. Funny how life goes in circles.

We are taking a big step of faith in a month in a half, and I must admit, at times it seems to big for my little mustard seed...but I now recall a huge lesson I learned once upon a time. That "God is bigger than the air I breathe, this world we'll leave..." Praise God for that. Speaking of leaving the world, I am attending a funeral today for a man I have never met. His wife is a saint, however, and I must meet him today. A little late, but better late than never?

Man, are my thoughts schizo today, or what?

Have you ever walked past a party that someone else was throwing? It's pretty depressing.